


i know what you fantasize about

by sweetnpeachie



Series: kuroken week 2020 [6]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dominant Bottom, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Family Issues, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Meet the Family, Mental Health Issues, Non-Graphic Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:41:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 31,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23735536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetnpeachie/pseuds/sweetnpeachie
Summary: holiday season is here and Kuroo is being bothered by his cousin over not bringing a date so Bokuto suggests he bring someone along, fake dates a stranger and that stranger is KenmaDay Six: Fake Dating
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Series: kuroken week 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1702273
Comments: 47
Kudos: 110
Collections: Kuroken Week 2020





	1. arrival

**Author's Note:**

> haven't really written from more of a Kuroo perspective this week so this is trying that out some more, also hopefully i wont loose motivation and actually finish this idea with more chapters after this week is over

Holidays were the worst and not because Kuroo didn’t enjoy celebrating them but because it meant he was off school and had to go visit his family, especially Christmas as it was their biggest holiday as a family which means they all gather together for a week. One whole week straight together inside of a house with people he didn’t even like texting once a month, let alone being within one metre of them at any given moment.

It is bad enough having to see his immediate family, his parents who stopped caring about him after he turned 10 and an older sister who would rather ruin his life by sleeping with his boyfriends then just have a conversation with him. What’s worse however is coming into contact with his cousins, a bunch of annoyingly bitchy people who enjoy pissing him off the entire week in anyway they can or just making him want to leave the second he steps foot inside the house.

Asshole Snake: coming alone this year as well?

Not letting what Daisho says bother him would be the smart thing to do and it is honestly what he tries to do but he was starting early, Kuroo hadn’t even begun packing his suitcase for the trip yet and he was already getting annoying messages. Yes, the past few holidays he had been coming alone either because he wasn’t focusing on relationships, just happened to be single or he didn’t want his poor partner around his family.

“Just bring someone along with you, bro.”

“They know you so you won’t work, I don’t know anyone I could convincingly bring with me.”

“Well I’m sure Akaashi knows someone.”

Believing in Bokuto was the best option he had at that moment which meant he was doomed, putting out a craigslist ad made him uncomfortable and none of his other friends could do this with him, so he allowed it. Waited a day or two until a message from his best friend came telling him to meet at this coffee shop a fifteen-minute walk away, apparently before agreeing this mystery man wanted to at least meet Kuroo and then decide.

Which is fair enough because it was a big ask for someone, he doesn’t know to come away with him for a week, free food and somewhere to stay didn’t really stack evenly against having to spend intimate time with a whole household of fandom people. Trying to dress his best and be presentable meant actually putting effort into his appearance, wearing freshly cleaned jeans and a shirt that was one hundred percent stainless.

“So where did you say Akaashi knew him from?”

Moving down the street trying his best to look casual as possible while physically holding back from sprinting his way there, not wanting to be late to the meeting but also not wanting to show up a sweaty mess had him holding back. Honestly, he was overthinking the whole thing and it would just simply be a casual exchange, but all the possible scenarios were running through his head, what if he wasn’t handsome enough to convince the boy to come.

“Dancing class.”

“Contemporary class was it?”

“No bro he only teaches that class,”

“Then what class-,”

As the words left his mouth, he entered the coffee shop and looked over to the table area he was expecting the boy to be sitting at, in that moment he remembered besides teaching contemporary his best friends’ boyfriend also takes a pole dancing class. Sitting with a casual confidence about him staring out the window at people passing by was the most attractive boy Kuroo has ever seen, this was not something he could afford to screw up.

Dyed hair tied up into a hair ponytail decorated by intricate braids and golden pieces of jewellery, soft pouty pink lips currently wrapped around the straw of his drink and piercing golden eyes that took in everything he was seeing and analysing it. Utterly dumbstruck by the gorgeous person in front of him he didn’t even notice when said gorgeous boy turned to look at him, licking across his lips let Kuroo notice the glint of a silver ball.

Open silk red shirt tucked into high waisted black pants helped let Kuroo understand a little better who he was getting into right now, everything about him seems expensive and he gets distracted by the gold chain around the boys neck which trails down his chest and into his shirt. Standing up to shake Kuroo’s hand and introducing himself as Kenma was more of a formal introduction then he had been expecting, smiling nervously as he introduced himself back.

“You’re friends with Akaashi’s boyfriend, I hear?”

“I am and I’m sorry to drag you into all of this.”

“Why apologize, trust me when I say I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be.”

For some reason every time Kenma, the pretty boy sat across from him, spoke he wanted to never stop listening – record it and play it on repeat forever because like the rest of him it was incredibly attractive to hear. However, it was nice to hear that he didn’t feel forced to come out here because either Akaashi or Bokuto forced him into it, would make him feel so much worse knowing both of them would be miserable next week.

“Do you mind telling me about what the plan will be?”

“My family are aware that I am bisexual and that I date boys so there isn’t any shock factor to this it’s just that I have cousins who criticise everything I do, this time it was me not bringing anyone to our Christmas holiday.”

“Hope I don’t overstep with this, but you are a handsome boy, why not actually go out and find yourself a partner to take with you?”

“People think I am way too much to handle and that I am over the top, so outside of a one-night stand based on my looks I haven’t had any luck in actually getting people to stick around.”

“I apologize for bringing it up then.”

Getting his drink finally delivered to the table Kuroo then started going over the basics of his family dynamic and then what kind of story they were running with, anything would really work as long as they both knew what it was. The focused way that Kenma stares at him as he listens makes him shiver a little as he goes over that handle holding, kissing and hugging as well as anything else Kenma is comfortable doing are all allowed.

“Nothing is off limits then?”

With his hand gripping his upper thigh like that there was no way a single functioning thought was going to enter his head let alone leave his mouth, all he could do is dumbly nod his head up and down in agreeance. He had thought that being almost a complete stranger would put Kenma off wanting to even kiss him, but his eyes looked interested, even after their meeting was over and he promised to meet him on Sunday at 7 am Kuroo was still frozen.

“You sure you don’t want me to drive any, it’s a lot of driving for one person.”

Unlike the last time they met Kenma is wearing healed shoes that make him fairly even in height standing next to Kuroo, packing their stuff into the car and making Kuroo feel a little intimidated for the first time in a while. Smokey black eyeshadow making his golden eyes stand out vibrantly, but the rest of his outfit looked more casual than last time, loose light brown shirt tucked into high waisted white shorts was a look meant to be expensively casual.

Curled up on the passenger seat next to him tapping away at his phone doing something that Kuroo couldn’t see without taking his eyes off the road and he didn’t want to be nosy, music from the radio softly filling the car as they drive in silence. Not uncomfortable however as they only talk every now and again, Kenma asking things like what he is studying at university or if he has a job right now, on the other hand Kuroo desperately tries his best to keep himself under control.

This was meant to be fake dating for a week to get back at his annoying cousins but Kuroo has already been hard for his new boyfriend at least three times over the past few days since they met, it would be shameful if it didn’t make sense. Long legs and pretty delicate hands with long golden painted fingernails which tap against his phone methodically, flowy hair that sits past his shoulders which he currently has up in a messy bun.

“Hope I’m not being rude, but do you pole dance at a club or?”

“Don’t feel the need to be so cautious around me Tetsurou I’m not shy, I used to work a club but now I mostly do it for fitness and to make sure I maintain my flexibility.”

“I’m sure you are very good at what you do.”

Looking out the corner of his eye to see Kenma smiling softly at him, laughing a little as he moves their conversation onwards onto the next topic, speaking to him felt like talking to someone he has known for years. Despite his anxiousness over how attractive he found Kenma which made him act a little more dumb than usual, it felt comfortable just the two of them travelling for hours and coming to a stop every now and again for breaks.

“When people talk about attractive female comic characters they always mention Catwoman or Black Canary or Zatanna and don’t get me wrong those girls are incredible, I just find characters like Circe don’t get enough recognition for their power.”

Somehow, they had gotten onto the topic of inspirations and much to his surprise Kenma took a lot of inspiration and found confidence through comic characters, talking about how he likes seeing them be strong and independent wearing heels and leather. It was a little bit of insight into what kind of  
person Kenma truly is and Kuroo found it fascinating, hearing him talk about something so simple but with such an intelligence behind it.

“How did you become so confident, were you always like this?”

“Overcame a lot of trauma in my youth and thankfully came out the other side a lot better.”

“Sorry, if that was something you didn’t want me to bring up.”

“No apologies needed baby, I’m here today doing what I am because I want to be and that’s it.”

“Do people tell you how incredible you are?”

“Well, not with the same heartfelt genuine look you are giving me, usually just to flatter me.”

Knowing that compliments said too often or without heart can be disingenuous and hurt the person receiving them, Kuroo didn’t just flatter his boyfriend with a shower of compliments to make him feel better, just nodded his head in understanding and left it at that. During their last stop before the two of them arrive at their destination he got out and grabbed them ice cream, the idea backfired when he noticed how distracting it was to watch Kenma lick the dripping cream.

Getting out and unpacking their stuff from the car without anyone coming out to greet them let alone help them was expected but still frustrating, helping each other carry their luggage to the front door and ringing the bell. Waiting for someone to answer left them waiting side by side and the anxiety started increasing as the footsteps began approaching the door, noticing his behaviour change Kenma reached out a hand to lace their fingers together.

“My mother will either barely give us her attention or she will-,”

He could tell even through the door that it was his mother approaching by the footsteps and as she opened the door, she noticed her son, stared at him for a moment as if to simply acknowledge his presence before moving onto his guest. Before coming he hadn’t told anyone that he was bringing someone let alone a boyfriend, but he featured Kenma subtly in a few of his things on social media, planting him in his life believably

“You are just the cutest thing I have ever seen now, a sight for sore eyes if I do so say myself so how did someone like you end up with a person like my son here?”

“Nobody has quite charmed me before like your son has Mrs. Kuroo.”

“Please just call me Hakaru.”

“A pleasure to meet you then Hakaru, hope this week will be a delight for the both of us.”

Easy smiles and a soft handshake with his mother which turned into a hug, one thing Kuroo hasn’t even had with his own mother in years, had Kenma on good footings with her as they were then led into the house. Inside a few people had already arrived and were settled in, his grandparents on his mothers’ side and his fathers two younger siblings with one sister one brother, they acknowledged them with quick greetings as they entered.

Walking through his old house like revisiting a nightmare and reopening an old wound, seeing only a few photos that actually feature him in them hidden high on shelves or behind other photos which feature more important people. Passing the kitchen and the living room area before moving to the back of  
the house, ascending the flight of stairs with their luggage carried up until they made it to the upper floor bedrooms.

“Space themed? Cute.”

“This is how I decorated it when I was younger, I fought hard to keep it this way.”

“Does this mean you can tell me facts while we star gaze?”

“Oh, if that’s something you wanted I could.”

“A date it is then.”

Neatly discarding their things at the foot of his childhood bed while Kenma walked around the room looking at posters close up, examining the books lining shelves and carefully stacked on his desk and with a small laugh taking in the glow in the dark decorations on his ceiling. Those being probably the most embarrassing thing about taking people into his childhood bedroom being those things, but if he had learnt anything was that his boyfriend didn’t tease to hurt.

“Hope you pardon my assumption, but I honestly expected more posters of naked women, girls of the playboy mansion and what have you and more overall mess.”

“Disappointed?”

“Pleasantly surprised.”

The bed is technically big enough for two people but Kuroo didn’t want to make his guest feel pressured to share the bed together, offering to sleep on the floor so his partner could take the entire bed for himself. Kenma placed his hand on Kuroo’s cheek and smiled gently at him, letting him know that while his courteous and well-mannered respectable behaviour was endearing that he didn’t have to try so hard to fit things around him.

“I just want you to have an enjoyable time, this week could be a disaster for you.”

“Honey, while I appreciate that, I am far more worried about you and what this week will do to you.” 

Blushing more than he would like to admit under his boyfriend’s careful gaze Kuroo nodded his head, he wasn’t used to people thinking about him or accepting his worry and trying to comfort him over it and it was making him feel strange. All the people he has been around wanted him to take the lead, doing what he wanted with them before they simply up and abandon him when they are finished, in this agreement Kuroo feels like the one being led around. 

It was an unusual thing because when people see Kuroo they think capable, a big strong man who knows what he wants and will do anything to achieve it and while Kuroo is competent he also likes to be able to lean on other people. Too much of his life was under his control and ruled by an anxious desire to fix everything so he didn’t crumble from the pressure, in reality he just wants another person to take away his control.

“Let’s go meet the others, we have to do it at some point I guess.”

“Stick by me and we can get through this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Check out my Twitter](https://t.co/oYvjcjfzmY)


	2. don't lead me astray

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it is brought to Kenma's attention just how Kuroo is treated in his childhood home by his family, he notices how Kuroo copes and hopes to have a hand in helping him out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont really have a plot for this but i have particular ideas i want to slip in but writers block has been messing with me and this was as much as i could get out for now, any suggestions for outfits to put Kenma in would be helpful because i like dressing that boy up in expensive pretty clothes

Everyone has their own struggles with family whether it is neglectful parents, siblings that come after you for every little thing, an abusive uncle or grandparents who beat you for the first few years of your life. Nobody else’s struggle is any less impactful or important as another person no matter the extent of the abuse and it can lead to a variety of coping mechanisms, Kenma left his house too early on to really know family dynamics.

However even he can tell that this family use Kuroo like a punching bag for all their grievances and built up aggression that they have inside, when they were tasked with setting the table the first night it should have been a simple task. Following in Kuroo’s footsteps Kenma simply placed a plate, napkin, utensils and a cup down and presented him how his boyfriend was on the area in front of each of the chairs.

While Kenma was reverently praised for his efforts to complete such an easy to finish task, after every moment and at every chance his mother was breathing down his neck commenting on the angle of his uncle’s glass or his grandmother’s knives. As they sat down to eat the meal he was met with the rest of the extended family and the other people he had briefly met before going upstairs, sitting around the table quietly in their assigned seats.

As soon as the food was being plated up the discussions started and it was almost like watching the soul leave his body as the comments started, so trying to be helpful Kenma led the conversations his way instead. He had trained it almost like an artform with the way he tries to win people over with a pretty smile and soft easy words spoken from topic to topic, a delicate hand and an analytical eye surveying what cards to use.

The older sister Yumi was pleased when Kenma spoke about nursing and listened to her complain about all the difficult people she has to work with, Hakaru is a retired beautician who was delighted when he could hold a conversation about hair and make-up styles. Even the female cousins who had joined them at the table whose names he has yet to actually remember, found themselves quickly infatuated with the boy sitting across from them.

“Your boyfriend earns more than you, isn’t that saying something about your role in this relationship, boy?”

It was clear that the older gentlemen present at the dinner table were not too pleased to have such a pretty boy in their presence, from their eyes he could see the judgement as they watched the way he moves his hands and the pretty glint of his lips. He was trying to get them to settle their opinions of him by talking business and the mechanics behind sports as a concept, what he wasn’t trying to do was give them further ammo to hate on his boyfriend.

Unfortunately, despite his best efforts at deflecting rude comments and painful topics Kenma could not step in at this moment to explain that their perception was off on him, of course running a business makes him comfortable it’s his side ventures that earn him the bank. Their first interactions together just didn’t feel like the right time to start exposing himself and the things about him he has yet to even tell Kuroo about, not that he is particularly trying to hide them.

“Being a coach for younger children is rather an honourable job in my eyes, our experiences moulded into the idealistic minds of the next generation in hopes that they can build off of what we have worked so hard to create.”

“You speak well for someone so young, was your father an academic?”

Family was something he knew would come up but despite his years’ worth of practiced topics, memorizing different information so that he can carry on a conversation with nearly everyone he meets, nothing prepares him for talking about himself. Looking down at his plate for a moment and taking in a deep breath he hoped didn’t look as anxious as he felt, Kenma turned his gaze back up with a calmer expression.

“My father couldn’t teach me what your generation instilled in me sir, that man simply rode on the coattails of your generation’s success and couldn’t even hope to inspire me like my older instructors and tutors have.”

His tongue felt heavy and a heavy throbbing at the very core of his being, but the answer seemed to please the grandfather as he nodded his head, continuing to eat his dinner and complementing his daughter-in-law for her cooking once again. Over half an hour late to the dinner the front door was swung open and in strolled a man with swooping green hair and reptilian like eyes, a leather jacket across his back and a motorbike helmet underneath his arm.

Almost cheeky as he excused himself for his tardiness and kissed his mother on the cheek as a way to apologize from such an entrance, however his tone got sharper and a tongue spitting venom as he addressed his cousin. It was then as he went to make a comment about partners that he noticed the young man sitting at Kuroo’s side and a beautiful sight he had never laid his eyes on before, vanished was his toxic demeanour in an instant.

“Pretty boy like you with a man like him, let me guess, is he paying you for this week?”

Getting paid for this had been the furthest from his mind when he had been asked not that long ago by his closest friend Akaashi, his boyfriend there with a desperate request for his own best friend in a dire situation. Kuroo needing help from a stranger didn’t seem like an opportunity to cash in on his misery as he decided a warm place to sleep in and home cooked meals sufficed, maybe he would get more out of it if his partner was willing and pliant.

“I’m not such an easy man as to be bribed.”

Knowing what he had been warned about earlier this must be the cousin who causes the most issues in this already disastrous family dynamic, sweeping his hair back dramatically as he takes his seat and sharp eyes focused in on him. Nobody had focused in on him with such intensity and Kenma was scared he was trying to find a show of miscommunication in their story, those worries vanished as he suffered through another hour of being hit on and informed about all the places suitable for dates.

Not one to be awfully familiar with how much Kuroo has to suffer through at events like this but he hoped that he was taking the heat off his back if only slightly, suffering under the slimy gaze of a snake for a week was nothing new and he could take it. He missed seeing the Kuroo who listened with wide eyes as the girl with a missing tooth talked big about her new adventure, they had been pulled up at the gas station and her father was buying fuel.

The Kuroo right next to him almost white knuckling his grip on his own pants was quite and reserved, none of the earlier charm as he sweet talked their waitress at a lunch bar making her blush no matter how she tried to blow off his flirting. Eyes losing the bright spark that he had scene earlier when the topic of space had been brought up and the prospect of star gazing brought forward, they weren’t familiar with each other, but the pain was visceral.

Sure, there might have been other motives for taking this opportunity up when it presented itself, but he could keep them to himself for now, what wanted to focus on doing now was helping the bright boy sitting next to him. Grabbing his hand and relaxing his grip on himself Kenma decided it was the best course of action for how he felt, there was no fixing him because boys couldn’t be fixed with a few honeyed words dipped in sweetness.

What he needed was for someone to listen to him and help out in all the ways they can because god knows Kenma has his own struggles, being told you aren’t alone and that the thoughts and feelings don’t make you crazy are the first vital steps. The soft smile he got in return as their fingers twisted themselves around each other tight was reserved only for him, over the course of their dinner tonight it was the first positive reaction he had seen him express.

“Are you sure you don’t want dinner?”

Lips downturned slightly but noticeably as she watches her son lead his boyfriend back upstairs as soon as dinner was completed and looking for a way in to yell at him, jaw clenching and reading to berate him for taking Kenma away while he is still hungry. She shouldn’t be worrying about his hunger when she had yelled at her own son for daring to go for seconds during dinner, despite it being his favourite meal he still declined.

“If it is not too much to ask of you would it be possible to save it for me? This is the first time in a while I have eaten such delicious home cooked meal filled with love and hard work, kept going back for more until I was completely filled up.”

Bold faced lie if he has ever told one because the cheesy pasta that Akaashi makes during their wine nights is filled with far more love then the large meal she served up, like he expected though she blushed at the praise and told him not to worry. Moving quicker then his boyfriend it was him who led the pair of them upstairs into the bedroom where he let go to go over to his bag, only slightly unpacked near the bed.

Opening up his phone to message Akaashi a quick series of messages letting him know what was happening, he and his boyfriend Bokuto had promised to come save them if anything got too bad so he was tasked with updating him every so often. Going through his emails and other things through his notifications he blindly took a seat on the edge of the bed behind him, scrolling through silently before completing his regular check-ups.

From where Kenma had left him in the middle of the room to go grab his phone Kuroo was still standing there almost in a trance just staring at one of the walls across from him, unmoving and just eerily silent. Pushing himself up off of the edge of the bed Kenma walks over carefully and he can see that his boyfriend has registered the movements and looked down to meet his eyes, tired eyes and a jittery buzz under his skin.

“Let us get ourselves ready for bed.”

Just standing in front of him and speaking softly didn’t seem to do the trick but Kenma didn’t let it worry him as he stepped closer into Kuroo’s bubble, softly reaching out with one hand holding his boyfriends’ hand and the other holding his forearm. Lacing his tone with more command and less suggestion he led them further away from the bedroom door, closer to the bed which Kuroo was gently pushed down on.

As if something practised and familiar to them Kenma proceeded to talk him through their next few actions and slowly started getting responses, removing articles of clothing with a gentleness that had the sensual aspect removed. Fingers grazing down strong calves and over the expanse of his muscled chest only focused on the removing of clothes and nothing more, he couldn’t let him go to bed yet and thankfully he was acting more responsive.

It was almost like he had entered the frame of mind that physically embodied punching bag as the words spoken by others hit away at his form, reactions weren’t required from him as a punching bag so he escaped into his mind and let his body take the blows. It was sad to see the coping mechanism developed over years of verbal abuse so much so that it took a lot of coaxing from Kenma to remove him from the headspace, commanding but never angry or demanding.

Brushing their teeth side by side followed by a joint skin routine Kenma was pleasantly surprised by, a man who takes care of himself like this is always promising because they know it doesn’t make a dent on their masculinity to be clean. As they applied creams and worked their skin Kuroo was back to responding with a light tease in his tone and a wide grin splitting his face, fingers tapping away at the sink along to a tune in his head.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Now they were back in his bed with a comfortable distance between the two of them although he would have been fine with no distance at all, Kenma on his side facing Kuroo who lays on his back staring up at the ceiling of his room. Sentences like that can get a multitude of reactions but he needed to lay down the framework of his support, reaching out a hand meant letting the other person know they are acknowledged and can talk if they need to.

“My family seem to love you.”

“Is that unusual?”

Well it wasn’t quite what he had in mind to talk about but if this was what he was comfortable addressing then Kenma was going to roll with it even when his eyelids felt heavy, falling asleep so soon after dinner felt odd but they had been on the road for so long today. Next to him Kuroo seemed to be thinking over the question or else he was just silently staring ahead; it wasn’t his plan to make him go back inside of himself again.

“Usually they don’t take too kindly to new people let alone boys, on top of that by association to me your luck of being accepted is expectedly low but you managed to come out on top anyway.”

“Feel luckier to be here with you then I would downstairs with them.”

“You get the luxury of choice; they wouldn’t want me down there even if I wanted to join them.”

“Oh, Kuroo I did not mean to be insensitive, if my being here makes it difficult for you then you can ask me to leave and I won’t hold it against you.”

“Shit no I’m sorry, being back here is just hard and I’m taking it out on you because you are just so incredible but without you trust me everything would be a lot harder for me.”

The silence that followed wasn’t awkward and neither of them tried to fill the void with unnecessary noise because it felt warm, not an insufferable heat but a comfortable glaze placed over them as the two of them start drifting off to sleep. Frogs and other insects perform a melody together outside to create an ambiance fitting to the mood they fell asleep in, calming breeze filtering in through the cracked open window and glow in the dark stars shining down on them.

Not one to be an early riser, Kenma detests the fact that he wakes up before the clock even has the chance to brush past seven o’clock and he finds himself closer to the opposite side of them bed than what he fell asleep on. Also, he is alone with a warmth quickly cooling at his side suggesting he hadn’t been abandoned that long ago and peering in the doorway was Hakaru, cheery smile plastered on her face as she brings him to full awareness.

Although unfortunately for him nothing eventful had happened last night but it was still embarrassing to have her standing there looking around as if she were surveying a crime scene, from the bed to the pile of the clothes on the floor. Sue Kenma for not neatly folding them all when he had been more focused and working Kuroo out of his own mind, there was a simmering close to boiling rage under his skin as he continued to watch the woman, but he calmed it.

“What a delicious meal that was last night to knock me out as soon as I fell into bed, I must say nobody has ever cooked for me like you did.”

Flattery without basis usually makes Kenma’s skin crawl but it hadn’t been a horrible meal, he was just exaggerating to bring attention away from what Hakaru is assuming happened and focusing on what Kenma was telling her happened. Apparently pleased to guess that nothing sexual occurred under her roof involving her dastardly son she smiled once again, followed by a cheery wave and a reminder that breakfast is still warm before taking her leave.

He could count on his hand the amount of times he has felt heated in her presence and not the comforting warmth, a blaringly sticky heat that makes you want to run away and scream until there is nothing left to feel. Imaging how her presence must make her son feel has him kicking his legs out of bed and heading off towards the bedroom, choosing to slip into something simple before leaving the room this time.

Last night hadn’t left them with the chance to run into anyone else as they had been the only ones of the second floor but now was different, a number of cousins and a sibling could be roaming around, and he didn’t want to experience that unclothed. Using guess and check like he had last night he finally makes it to the bathroom to see Kuroo washing his hands, the sight of him bent over the sink and still a little slow from sleep was delightful.

“Good morning baby, how did you sleep last night?”

Sidling up to his side and looking at his own appearance in the mirror he got an increasingly chipper response as his boyfriend talked about the dream, he had last night, something involving rabbits and the plot of one indie movie he had watched a few years ago. It was nice to just listen to him talk as they went through their skin care routine once again but slightly altered for their morning, feeling fresh and more awake when they left.

“You said you haven’t really been out this way before so you can look for areas that interest you, we can travel on our own when we have the chance but I’m guessing as a family we will be dragged to places during the week.”

“Cannot wait to spend more time together.”

As they ate, he did as Kuroo had suggested and flicked through places close by that interested him, seeing the places that had been talked about last night from Daisho who had brought up places he would totally like to bring Kenma to. Not one to pass up the opportunity to be petty, as soon as the cousin from hell was walking by, he brought up the places from last night, talking sweetly about how he would love Kuroo to take him.

Whether or not he succeeded in irking Daisho didn’t matter because he was genuinely excited to go anywhere with Kuroo and maybe learn more about him, this was the area he grew up in and you can usually tell a lot about a person by where they lived. Even if they can’t go everywhere, they made a list of places to visit from cute cafes to skate parks hidden behind high chain link fences, museums for different topics and a park with a pond that looked so serene.

Breakfast was arguably more delicious then dinner as he sucked on a handful of grapes and felt the juice from the strawberries run over his lips, pouting his sticky lips he complained about how messy he was only for Kuroo to chuckle and clean him up. French toast and a smoothie that was the right consistency of not too chunky with fruit bits, might have moaned over the sweetness of the honey more than once and made Kuroo blush.

“Do you have any interest in cars?”

His father was softer spoken and didn’t seem to make too many comments about his son although he still didn’t seem to great of a dude, white shirt covered in a number of faded stains and some fresh tucked into seemingly newly bought overalls. Holding a toolbox in one hand and a rag hung over the opposite shoulder gripped in the other hand, seemed like he was looking to see what answer he would give and would judge him based on that.

“New car Mr. Kuroo?”

“Old one actually that I haven’t been focusing on lately, wondered if you had any interest in helping me clean her up a little.”

“Well after I am done making myself pretty, I will bring myself down to join you.”

There wasn’t meant to be a challenge in his words, but he felt it slip free before he could hold himself back from the temptation held out before him, excusing himself from the kitchen island he made his way back upstairs to get changed. Not a colour he usually goes for but Kenma slips into a comfortable fluffy dark green jumper and dares to go with pristine white jeans, golden eye shadow to accent his eyes and a gloss to bring attention to his smile.

“Sorry I accepted to help him before asking you.”

“Knew they would do this to you, and I don’t want to make you run along after their every whim.”

“I am not that easy, and I am hoping to use this.”

“Use this?”

“This situation to my benefit, he feels like I have to present a certain way to be confident in my masculinity but his standards I hope to destroy.”

“You sound so hot talking about bring my father down a peg.”

“Easy there tiger, I still have a fight to win and a point to prove.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Check out my Twitter](https://t.co/oYvjcjfzmY)


	3. sweet day out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a quick intermission between drama where Kuroo takes Kenma to town, literally and they go shopping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any suggestions for things you want to see in this fic because there is barely a plot either comment below or under my tweets on twitter but I am stressed with uni work so be gentle

Watching his boyfriend work alongside his father looking under the hood of the car and feeling along the side of the original painted vehicle was an incredible sight, ass perfectly outlined in those jeans as he bends over to inspect something Kuroo would know nothing about. Hands curving around the gear shift between the seats to hold it which made him very embarrassingly distracted, outside was heating up some but it wasn’t why his face was bright red.

Sitting off to the side as his father talked using words and phrases, he couldn’t understand but it still made him sad to be left out like this, none of the blame went to Kenma who was proving his point perfectly and looking incredible while doing it. Just that his family seems quicker to ease Kenma into their activities then they have ever been with their own blood, thinking about it he doesn’t know if he would rather this or when his parents barely acknowledge his partner.

Zoning out staring at the perfect peach hugged by pristine tight white jeans before snapping out of it and realizing his boyfriend was now standing in front of him, pretty and expensive clothes looking as clean and fresh as when he had left the bedroom earlier. There is a smudge on his cheek and a splash on the back of his left hand, but he proved being manly and messy doesn’t do any good, as a pretty boy can work just as hard and look much better doing it.

“Enjoy the view sunshine?”

“Unfortunately, I think my father over there killed the mood.”

Cheeks reddening as he realized he had very obviously been caught staring, so he changed the point over to his father who is cleaning up his tools, grease and other messes staining his clothes and the rag now slipped into his pocket. Managing to somehow look a mix between frustrated and pleased but whatever he was feeling was more than he had ever felt for Kuroo, Kenma had proved his point and they were free to leave now.

Not stopping to mention it to anyone besides his father who watched them get into Kuroo’s car to leave, the two of them headed down the driveway and off towards some areas they wanted to visit, including some Kuroo knew from memory. Windows rolled down letting the cooling breeze slide through the car comfortingly as they opt out of putting music on, letting the sounds around them lead them through their journey into the town area.

“Seem to have known a lot about cars back there, I was honestly impressed.”

“There was a boy around the area I used to live who was older, always outside with the hood up and low slung jeans so I tended to stick around to watch, learnt a thing or two over that time and just added to my knowledge when I needed to.”

“I feel like every story I pull from you makes you more exotic and mystical.”

“My life is not always that interesting or enjoyable, trust me on that, I feel like we can make some good memories too that we can turn into exotic and mystical stories to tell others.”

Dropping the conversation naturally as they exit the car after parking in the furthers carpark, moving around potholes in the ground and drifting closer to each other as they walk in relative silence only directed by his old memory. More trees lining the sidewalk then he remembered but the teenager’s art spray-painted on the sides of cottage-built pretty buildings was familiar, old bicycles laying on their sides at the corners and rusted streetlamps.

“Come in here.”

“Following after you Mr. guide.”

A chocolate fountain running quickly in the centre of the store protected by a glass casing to save it from having children and quite possibly adults dip their fingers in, large wooden cases lined with shelves of candies and sweets. Some branded merchandise near the front entranceway but it didn’t catch their attention like the rest of the treats dragging their gaze from shelf to shelf, chocolates displayed on counters down the centre of the stall.

Behind the counter three teenagers wearing tiny hats stripped and a little funny looking stand bored as they watch the people move around their store, tapping away at the counter until someone approaches them and their mood turns cheerful and excitable. Twinkling noise of a bell going off at the entrance of new customers who laugh joyously at the selection, inside feels cool enough that the heat from outside seems to disappear.

Kenma turned to find his partner eyeing every inappropriate option lining the higher shelves saved from the gaze of children and he rolled as eyes at Kuroo who smiled cheekily, drifting from option to option together and then apart. It was only their first visit, but they lined their arms with enough sweet food to last them a very long time and honestly, he was excited, missing out on the desert last night had been a true test of his dedication to being a good person.

Out of the candy store they looked through a vintage clothing store that Kuroo just had to drag Kenma into because he knew this style would look good on him, he already felt like he was walking around town with a celebrity. Locals looking from him wearing a denim jacket over a plain black shirt and loose jeans to Kenma wearing clothing more expensive then he could ever hope to afford, there was no jealousy though, he liked how good Kenma looks.

Style and fashion were never his forte but seeing other people find joy and expression through cloth and fabric was more enjoyable than struggling to find something decent enough to wear, also not even once has his boyfriend even been snobbish about it. Absolutely hyping him up whenever they see each other after getting dressed and it honestly makes him want to try a little harder, pull more and more compliments and have him pay attention.

“Help me choose and stop day dreaming, if you drool anymore than you have it will make a mess.”

Pouting and trying to hide the fact that he checked to see if he had actually been drooling over the pretty boy in front of him, Kuroo actually started paying more attention to the Kenma in front of him instead of the one in his head. The one in his head wasn’t currently shirtless and pulling a pair of cute shorts up over his thighs, buttoning the larger shiny buttons through the holes and adjusting them as he checked himself out.

When they had come in, he had expected to wait outside and have his boyfriend come out after finishing off each outfit for him to rate, however he was dragged inside and thrown some dirty looks from the store worker who had nothing but smiles for Kenma. In the long mirror mounted against the wall from the floor to the top of the stalls he could see the front even when standing behind, it made him awfully distracted for the second time today.

“You’ve missed a button.”

Pulling Kenma’s hips back without a though and curling his arms around his waist Kuroo brings them together, long fingers delicately slipping the flowy shirt his boyfriend had tried on back out as they had been tucked into his shorts. Fixing the simple mistake and separating them but the separation came slowly and with some reluctance, stepping back to look over the outfit now and missing the furious flush overcoming Kenma’s face while admiring the clothes.

With Kuroo paying more attention to the cat who appeared in the doorway then Kenma paying for his clothes he managed to slip in a few things extra, a pair of slacks and nice shoes that he didn’t want to force on his boyfriend, but he thought would look nice. Then he began overthinking it, not wanting to make it seem like he wanted Kuroo to change his style for him or that he didn’t look nice as he was, so he ended up not mentioning it just yet.

No longer following any set plan they walked in and out of the two bookstores along the road and bought a few things here and there, more from Kuroo who couldn’t help but purchase every pretty cover he lays his eyes on. Kenma offered to pay as a treat but he reverently declined and they continued on out of the store, passing by a small ice-cream street vender who offered them a new flavour for half price that only one of them enjoyed.

“If you want, we can head back now, lunch has already passed but I’m sure they saved you some.”

“One more store before we go back?”

Having happily made his purchases for the day it was up to Kenma to decide the final store as it was also his idea to continue shopping, there was really no choice when a young lady covered in a shawl dangling with beads and glowing make-up pulled them into her store. Candles lit and melting over the sides of her counter and essential oils packed neatly into wooden boxes, packets of nice smelling herbs and natural sprays to rejuvenate yourself.

Despite her persistence she was genuine when walking around and explaining her products, going over the benefits and why she makes everything from hand with natural products instead of relying of chemicals like other companies. Music softly playing from the back of the store mixing in with the wind chime that moves and sounds with the gentle breeze filtering in from outside, smokey from a burning incense candle on a shelf.

“Good for relaxation when applied to the skin.”

Barely taking in what the lady was saying as he went around peeping in jars and almost knocking over packets while Kenma looked far more intrigued, it was probably good the lady had pulled them in by the look on his face. The number of supplies in his hands was multiplying as they moved from section to section and he wished he had that much free range with money, but it was hard worked for so he couldn’t blame his boyfriend for spending on himself.

Truly one of his biggest costs on himself is skin care products and self-care items, no one but himself was going to look after him so he wanted to do a respectable job of it whether or not people would deem it manly. Earlier today Kenma proved that manly really doesn’t size up for much more than an image when ‘not manly’ people can do the same things, something about the way he held himself and respected himself made Kuroo admire him.

Pretty wide-open eyes golden as they take in the setting sun from outside, pale skin dusted with freckles he had only really noticed this morning when he had woken up with a warm body pressed up against his own. Leaving the room early to settle down this morning made him guilty because he had left him to wake up alone in a strange room, but he was too worked up, anyway he is way too pretty to blame him for a reaction like that.

“Finally, ready to go then kitten?”

Asking as he turned to see the items being carefully packaged in brown bags, she slipped in a cute handwritten note and some dried flowers before sealing it off with melted wax and a ribbon that took a little long but was magical to watch. People put so much time into their craft and it is such a respectable practise as compared to generic churned out big name brands and materials, so personalized and familiar it makes you feel warm and accepted.

“You are in your head a lot, huh?”

It wasn’t a comment he generally received from people because he was loud and the life of the party but around Kenma he felt himself calm enough to comfortably relax into his mind, it’s different to how he is with his family because that never feels safe. Walking alongside Kenma he can’t help but think about how hot Kenma looks in boots or how wonderfully toned he was under those clothes, hadn’t been in the right space to appreciate it last night.

“Thinking.”

“Good thoughts?”

“Very good thoughts.”

“Well then that is wonderful to hear.”

Such a genuine comment over something so little and trivial over the state of his mind but it made him a little giddy to be reminded that despite the situation, he had found someone who actually seemed to care about him. How had he managed to meet someone for this short span of time and be accepted quicker than his own family, Bokuto and him had clicked instantly with their over-the-top personalities but it wasn’t the same.

Friends at work and at school never talked gently about the types of trees growing in the area or that they had read the history of this area on the way up, detailing historical facts that even he had not known before. Those other people didn’t command everyone’s attention with a confident walk and a glint in their eye while simultaneously staying by Kuroo’s side, laughing softly as a tiny child ahead of them falls gently on his butt.

Too much thinking and not enough time spent in the present so shaking away those thoughts that could swirl around his mind at a later date, Kuroo gets into the car and starts it up with a familiar rumble before driving off. This time music plays in the care to fit the vibe as they chat a little more comfortably and talk about unimportant things, as the song fills the car Kuroo taps along to the beat against the wheel, swaying his head lightly as he does.

“After what happened this morning, the day actually turned out quite enjoyable.”

“Only because I had you here with me, any other day I probably would have had to drive the others around while they ask me how I even managed to get my driver’s licence when I can’t even drive.”

“They do all seem to want to make your life as difficult as possible, any reason?”

“Besides being massive assholes? I would say there probably is, but I wouldn’t want to bore you like that with a story about my past.”

Even with how he had been the night before Kenma had not expected to see that expression go over Kuroo’s face before it was slowly schooled into something more relaxed, pain warping his eyes and bringing his brows down with such sadness. Not his place to pry or make him anymore upset then this topic seems to make him so Kenma did what he seemed to do best and began talking, about the time he and Akaashi stole apples from a neighbour to make apple pie.

Leaving out details like how absolutely off their face they both were because Kuroo seemed to have a purer image of Kenma then was accurate, however Kenma doesn’t wish to change that perception just yet so keeps some things only alluded to. It wasn’t like he didn’t feel like he could trust Kuroo it was just at least for know he wanted to still make his eyes shine with awe, watching as he listens so carefully and intently to stories.

Gushes about how pure and sweet Kenma is when he tends to feel anything but, it isn’t quite idolisation but its close to and it makes him want to present himself as the sweet boy next door that Kuroo seems to fantasize about. Bathing on a pool side chair under the sun but covered up with a bashful expression, sipping from a fruity drink and admiring the water running down every dip and curve of Kuroo’s body, then Kuroo lifting him up and bringing him inside.

Not that he couldn’t put on short shorts and act innocent leaning over the railing of a porch, bent just enough to be enticing but not to make it obvious but that generally wasn’t his thigh and he didn’t want to crush those fantasizes just yet. Before thoughts could stray any further they were pulling up the driveway of the house and their little innocent bubble was burst, their day out filled with joy was about to become sour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Check out my Twitter](https://t.co/oYvjcjfzmY)


	4. aftermath of fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> coming back home doesn't feel great after a nice day out but others manage to make them feel even worse, a game of never have i ever becomes invasive and uncomfortable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> truely not where i had expected this to go, had a completely different plan since like chapter 2 for something i wanted to put in but here it gets pushed back again and once again this is just quick writing while i have assignments for uni also just a warning for nsfw never have I ever questions

By the time they entered the house Kuroo’s mother was in the kitchen with the aunties preparing the dinner they are set to have in a few hours, a lamb and pork roast served with vegetables and the home made gravy the grandfather has yet to pass down to anyone in the family. Something as simple as a family secret handed down through the generations for a gravy sounded silly but having a family tradition was a foreign concept.

To be fair Kenma and Akaashi had been creating traditions for themselves since they started hanging out with each other, drinking champagne in tall glasses in their jacuzzi bathtub sharing all the big news they have gathered since being separated when someone goes away. Waking up the other on birthdays with breakfast in bed and always two different gifts, one a little more silly or scandalous and the other an expensive treat.

But neither of them planned to have kids so there was nothing cute to pass down as a family tradition and for some reason it made something in him ache, having children was something he has never felt capable of doing even through adoption. However, at times there are moments like this where he thinks about wanting a family for all the good reasons, memories and soft moments until he remembers what family was like for him or even Kuroo.

“Welcome back Kenma, did you go out and have some fun?”

“I am thoroughly impressed with this beautiful area you have settled in Hakaru.”

Apparently, that was enough to let them continue on through the house and thankfully they didn’t pass many other people, the grandfather was asleep on the couch with the newspaper loosely held in his grasp. Pulling Kuroo towards him anyway Kenma led them upstairs with their bags to unload, it isn’t like he is desperate to do things, but they have time to kill before the dinner is plated up and he wants to go around the grounds and explore.

Growing up places were either small, without back gardens or in apartment complexes cramped full of half unpacked boxes and the smell of smoke staining every inch, even where he lives now with his best friend Akaashi isn’t as big as this place. Two whole stories of space and a plot of land that spans far enough for Kenma to get the urge to roll around, green grass bent slightly with droplets of water and bushes cut down, so their size doesn’t expand too far and become overgrown.

Compost bins filled neatly at the side of the house in silver containers on the ground, large trees lining further towards the back of the land and if he focuses, he can spot a swing and a tree house actually built into the branches of the tree. Man made in ground pond filled with genuine lily pads blooming with pretty flowers and the water glistens under the sunlight, moist stones and moss around the edges of the pond.

Looking around at the beautifully maintained area taken care of by the Kuroo family Kenma more or less forgot about Kuroo who let go of his hand to let him explore, off to the side watching his boyfriend crouch down to look at a tiny bird hopping along around the ground. Unfortunately, like he had expected to happen his eyes drifted towards the treehouse and it was then Kenma realized that he had been ignoring Kuroo and turned around.

“Do you want to go over there?”

“Not really, I don’t go near the tree house.”

“A rule of theirs because if so-,”

“While I appreciate the defence it’s actually one of my own.”

Pursing his limps with downturned eyebrows as if unbelieving of that but he didn’t push the topic, grabbing his boyfriends’ hand and continuing the quest even though he had practically ventured to every corner already. Moving around and asking questions about inconsequential things like why the sun hits the ground through the tree leaves like that, making up origin stories for the cats hanging around below the birdbath.

Walking back towards the house he could feel someone’s eyes on them and looked up to see the possibly worst cousin staring down at them, clearly everyone was back in the house now and almost on a protective reflex he pulled Kuroo closer. Wrapping his arms around Kuroo’s bigger defined arm and looking up innocently when he was sent a little confused look that broke into a smile as they continued on ignoring the third party watching them.

Somehow, they managed to spend enough time outside that when they came back in, they were tasked with helping to make the table once again, there were fewer cutting comments tonight, it seemed more because his boyfriends’ mother was busy than a change of heart. For tonight the napkins were cream with little cactuses on them which Kenma just found delightful and managed to mention every few minutes, placing one down at each spot and mentioning its cuteness.

Once again, they were gathered around the table to eat dinner and he once again found himself having to defend his presence, his boyfriend’s family might like him better then Kuroo, but a lot of the members still seem critical. Keeping his smile and sparkling eyes as cheerful as possible to keep the situation civil and not devolved into a yelling match, raising his voice only works against proving his point so he avoids it at all times.

“I’m not against gay people I just don’t see it historically, so it seems it has come up only recently.”

At the table sat across from the cousins with his boyfriend at his side Kenma had to hold himself back from swearing even under his breath, people don’t need to be educated on every topic but if you don’t know much it is always better not to speak on it. This being one of those times when someone seems to have possibly done a quick google search or looked in a book for half a lesson, who don’t know the things that have led to it seeming that way.

“Common misconception it seems to many that these terms are frequent now but it is only because we have to identify now as something other than the norm and have become proud of ourselves, back then it was just how things were so they blended in more with society and also any times where it is questioned as is the case with Alexander the Great it is often covered by the historians own agenda.”

“History is subjective, nothing to really suggest he participated in those kinds of activities.”

It seems one of the uncles had a nerve struck when a “masculine man” was mentioned in the same topic as homosexuality and it irked Kenma to no end but he soldiered on, explaining that of course we cannot prove anything in society as we were not around back then. To however disregard things because of our own biases is worse then taking historical texts as undeniable proof, someone who exists past that time will probably have different beliefs.

Defending his existence over a roast dinner wasn’t his favourite way to spend an evening and he somehow managed to change the subject, shifting his chair closer to Kuroo who wasn’t doing too bad tonight as for some reason Daisho had been leaving him alone. His mother focusing on some conversation about how impractical long acrylic nails are, the uncles discussing a sports game that had finished before dinner.

Even Kenma was slowly being lulled into an almost sense of ease at the table where conversations were not as rampantly problematic as last night, until the dinner plates were being packed up and desert laid in front of them. Warm apple pie mixed with the chilly freeze of freshly scooped ice cream only vanilla flavoured, but it tasted delightful, usually he doesn’t pair his favourite dessert with any toppings, but it honestly wasn’t bad.

“Aunty Hakaru I already asked you about inviting someone over didn’t i?”

“We did too right, aunt Hakaru?”

“You asked if Kuguri, Sakishima and Suzumeda could come over earlier, although I don’t understand why you would have them back here.”

She didn’t seem to, for the first time, be apart of this scheme the cousins were raising like it was their place on earth to torment Kuroo and the only reason Kenma noticed it was an issue was the way Daisho was staring Kuroo down. An uncomfortably sour look plaguing his features as he puts down his utensils without even finishing his desert, looking down at his plate as the people still sitting across them celebrate some sort of victory.

Just then the doorbell rings and the three are led in by the snake who looks more innocent then the thoughts he can only imagine are going through his head right now, eyes glinting with a mischievous arrogance to them that he tries to quell. It seems like they were for some reason not expecting Kuroo to be there and none of them can maintain eye contact for more than a few seconds, so to test the waters and figure things out he introduces himself politely.

“Your old partners?”

They were upstairs while the cousins and their partners for the night set up the games room for some kind of activity, Kuroo was trying to explain the situation and Kenma was trying to figure out how this night could go anywhere but down. Kuguri, Sakishima and Suzumeda were three people that have been brought to these holiday weeks in the past and three people his cousins knew about, purposely bring them over to make it uncomfortable.

It wasn’t a case of judging Kuroo’s partners it was a chase of wondering how this will play out because they must have history with Kuroo to be brought along, he admitted this was the first time he has needed to bring someone along to fake date. As close as they were getting there was not nearly enough, he knew about the boy standing in front of him in the bathroom, Kenma leant against the bathroom sink trying to work things through.

“Really did not wish to rush you into this Kuroo but they plan on interrogating us downstairs using some drinking game and I do not know enough about, what I assume the other three will now and that puts us in a situation.”

“Oh, um, what can we do to, remedy that?”

A pretty flush raising its way up from his neck to the tips of his ears and his hands were playing together to distract himself from the rushing thoughts in his mind, it was honestly the cutest thing to watch and is exactly why he didn’t want to force anything. Hand holding and hugging around the family was comfortable and kept them convinced but they hadn’t kissed passed on the cheek, even a quick kiss on top of his head from Kuroo earlier was it.

Pointing his finger down to the floor just before him and arm outstretched daintily Kenma tells Kuroo to come closer and like a puppy he follows the instructions, pulling him closer by the loops in his jeans he asks carefully and clearly if this is okay. Furious nodding wasn’t enough as he asked again for a verbal response and the desperate yes made him smirk, but he focused on guiding Kuroo into the kiss, bodies held close together.

Resting one hand on his chest and the other against the quick pulse in Kuroo’s neck, Kenma pushed himself off from the bathroom sink and closer into his boyfriend’s space crowding him and making him focus on everything. The proximity of their bodies in thin cloth and the metal ball pierced through his soft pink tongue, almost anxiously Kuroo moved his hands from awkwardly high until they were both holding the perfect ass he had spent earlier admiring.

Everything about Kenma was commanding this experience and led it from one position to another until Kuroo was like helpless goo in his arms, breathing heavy and eyes a little clouded but ready to wait for the next instructions. Of course, he was doing this right now to get a feel for how Kuroo worked but it wasn’t clinical, and he was very much enjoying the gasps and groans, pulling them out of the boy pressed against him.

Still he took in the considerate way that Kuroo moved for him and how he pulled back to make sure everything was still okay and that he wasn’t forcing Kenma into this, it was sad to see the anxious way he held himself when seeking out pleasure. Another reason he had wanted to put off running straight into this because he had to pick him apart before bringing him pleasure, needs to know all he can about his feelings before pushing him down without meaning.

“Taste so sweet, pretty boy.”

A simple cheeky comment to end it as they pulled apart and Kuroo grinned before they were startled by a loud knock at the door, it was Daisho telling them both to stop wasting their time up here and come down unless they were scared. He was holding a plastic cup filled with something and it looked like he had already had some of whatever it was, they begrudgingly followed him downstairs walking somehow closer than usual.

In each other’s space even when they sat down in the circle surrounded by people they didn’t particularly want to be around right now, Kenma had thrown his legs over Kuroo’s and was snuggling up into his side. Hands playing with each other almost absentmindedly and it was like their mood was changing but not as fast as people might assume, for as intelligent as Kenma might be he was looking at this more analytically then emotionally.

He wanted to help Kuroo and make Kuroo feel all the joy in the universe until he was satisfied but he didn’t realize that there was a reason behind that, besides finding someone special in Kuroo like a friend he has always wanted to have. The comfortable feeling around them was some how filled with an innocence of friendship despite what happened upstairs, it was like they broke down this barrier and were seeing each other clearer.

“Starting off with a classic game of never have I ever was what we decided on.”

“On with it then.”

“Calm down Kuguri, so aggressive.”

It was of course never have I ever because a bunch of people in their early twenties have no other games to entertain themselves other than drinking over past exploits, he knew there was not going to be any simple ‘never have I ever broken a bone’ questions here. Now he was just hoping he didn’t have to expose too much of himself to Kuroo because he was fine with being open, there was just some stuff that needed to be explained without alcohol present.

“Never have I ever kicked someone out after having sex.”

Daisho put a finger down with a triumphant smile and the girl Suzumeda put a finger down with almost a frown on her face, looking anxiously over at Kuroo who is sitting to her right and it led into the next question as it was necessary. Never have I ever been kicked out after sex was what followed and to Kenma’s surprise Kuroo puts a finger down and this time he looks up at the girl, connecting the dots joined with Daisho’s smirk wasn’t that difficult.

“Seems girls don’t like it when you cry in bed, huh?”

“You were sleeping with my girlfriend and I found out when a text popped up on her phone.”

“How was I to remember the faces of your partners.”

Made awfully apparent that this family had problems with cheating and thankfully his older sister was out working a shift as she had been called in to fill in a position, she was meant to have the week off but gave in to her bosses pleading. He had heard enough about her taking Kuroo’s men, but it seemed to be a family trait that Kenma was one hundred percent sure he was not going to partake in, not even if his life was at risk if it meant going near Daisho to let Kuroo down.

“Never have I ever taken nudes.”

The guy who had said it was the only person who didn’t put his finger down, everyone else had taken a drink from their cups and placed a finger down as a few stories started getting swapped and surprisingly, but thankfully, none involved cheating. It did however lead to a gross comment from none other than Daisho asking if he could send nudes his way, claiming Kenma looked like someone who knew how to take a good one.

Uncomfortably correct as he puts a lot of pride into the photography of his nude photos, even simple ones of him in expensive lingerie on top of his bed or posing in the long mirror hung against one of the walls in his room. He had taken requests from different approaches with some in darker lighting and some covered in fake blood, others with painted flowers over his body or covered in pearl jewellery almost from head to toe.

“Well, never have I ever used edible underwear then.”

Rolling his eyes at the simplicity of it whilst also having to put a finger down and take another drink from the cup, whatever was in it was definitely a mix of a few things because he couldn’t quite put his finger on what he was tasting. All he knew was it didn’t taste great and he hoped his alcohol tolerance would disappear and he would pass out, excusing both his boyfriend and him from this insufferably game with these people he can barely remember the names of.

“Oh, never have I ever had fantasies about another person while having sex with my partner.”

In that moment Kenma almost wanted to cry as Kuroo was the only person not to put a finger down as everyone else continued taking a drink, the ache in his heart hearing the others admit to doing it when with Kuroo despite him being present to hear their words. After that came never have, I ever used handcuffs during sex and following that was another story, one of the boys saying how they had gone to try it but Kuroo had worried about hurting them, so they had to stop.

As he took his own drink, he frowned at the others for laughing over something like that, it was clear that Kuroo took great pain in hurting others and his height matched with his intimidating presence somehow convinced people he will be fine with anything. Everything in the bedroom is all about discussion and clearly Sakishima had not wished to discuss it before hand, placing all the blame on Kuroo who looked ashamed. 

“Not everything you are into, your partner is into so maybe focus on consent next time, never have I ever struggled to find the g-spot.”

“That’s because you don’t have to.”

Embarrassment clear on their faces the boys except for Kuroo and Kenma had to put one finger down and Daisho was not happy to have that exposed, his confidence taking a hit and biting back with a comment like that. All Kenma could do was roll his eyes and tell him that if that was what he wanted to believe that was fine but that Kenma could dominate him any day, somehow instead of an invitation (which it really wasn’t) Daisho took it as an insult.

“I don’t need some girly boy to struggle to dominate me, never have I ever needed to hide sexual messages from my partner.”

He almost wanted to growl at the questions that elicited responses laced with insulting stories directed towards his boyfriend who he was snuggled closer to, hands now wrapped around Kuroo’s arm which was gripping Kenma’s thigh but not painfully. Big hands wrapping around half of his thigh making Kenma want to focus his entire attention on the contact, but he tried to ignore it, willing away thoughts as the next person spoke up.

“Never have I ever laughed when seeing someone’s genitals.”

“Never have I ever traded sex for favours.”

“Never have I ever tried bondage.”

“Never have I tried more than three sex positions in one session.”

“Never have I ever been a part of double penetration.”

“Never have I ever tried cybersex.”

Without speaking to explain things as they went Kenma somehow inconspicuously managed to go unnoticed as every finger went down and with every drink from his cup, asking for a refill shakily which was met with a surprised grin from Daisho. The man more than happy to lean in close while filling up the plastic cup with whatever liquid disaster he had created, swirling around before sitting in his cup and allowing him to move away from Daisho.

“Ah, never have I ever looked at myself while masturbating.”

“Gross but I would happily watch you-,”

“Shut up and stop being gross for a second Daisho, Kenma has all his fingers down.”

His small hands lay curled up into fists on his lap and he hoped nobody would pay attention as they were more focused on taking hits at each other, taking hits at his boyfriend especially whenever they all decided to band together and focus on him. However, he was unsuccessful at going completely unnoticed as one of the drunken boys Kuroo had dated was staring him down, drink sloshing around in his drink as he points it towards him.

“Well aren’t you a dirty little one.”

“Please, no matter how low I have gotten I guarantee you do worse regularly.”

“Feisty too, this started to embarrass Kuroo but.”

“I think we can focus on Kenma for a little bit, Kuroo seems to have clocked out a while ago.”

The alcohol seemed not to be the true reason behind his absentmindedness and Kenma knew that the blows he had taken earlier had eventually become too much to just take, folding up into himself mentally and seeking comfort away from the verbal abuse. Even if the ex-partners didn’t intend to be as vicious as the cousins they didn’t hold back with stories, ones that didn’t even relate to the topic but brought up just to embarrass.

“You think I have shame in myself for what I do?”

“No and I think that is delicious, since I met you, I felt there was something more.”

“More than my disgust for you and your advances?”

An accident truly for that to come out so blatantly but Daisho didn’t look like he was one for remembering things while drunk and he smirked anyway, showing his teeth as the circle was now focused on the cousins verses him. If his history exposed started becoming too personal, they might find something out, but he couldn’t back out just yet, everything so far could just make them believe he happens to be sexually promiscuous.

“Never have I ever been arrested.”

“Never have I ever been a part of a physical fight.”

“Never have I ever had a foursome with three other men.”

“Never have I ever had sex with a stripper.”

“Never have I ever used a glory hole.”

“Never have I ever spanked someone older than me.”

“Never have u ever had sex with more than three people in a single night.”

Being questioned felt gross but for every one of their stupid suggestions he had done he put his finger down and drank accordingly, his alcohol intake was nothing compared to the anger he felt about being put on show like this. Not only did they do this to embarrass Kuroo, but they were putting him on the spot to somehow get at Kuroo, see if Kenma is someone he picked up off the street like a mess just for this week.

“With a list like that I assume you are Kuroo have done a lot?”

“I could never get him to do much.”

“He gets so submissive when he kisses, it feels like I have to take charge.”

“You clearly lack communication and if you actually used your brain for once, these things would not be such a mystery for you lot of useless exes.”

All of the older people in the family had gone to their respective rooms for the night all on the first floor and Kenma without another word led Kuroo out of that room, handheld tight and guiding him through the house to grab glasses of water first. It takes a lot to get Kenma drunk and if not in the mood it is almost impossible to get him to drop his control, walking up the stairs and resisting the urge to slam the door behind him after entering the bedroom.

Kuroo was slowly tightening his grip so that they were holding hands instead of Kenma just tightly gripping at his hand, letting go and sitting down on the bed with a huh knowing that despite his tight grip of control over himself he managed to let some anger shine through. None of them will most likely remember it and most of them probably have more drinking to do, all Kenma has is his anger as he sits in his own fury.

Judgement thinly veiled with gross compliments over his promiscuity, as if he some whole other breed and not a human who expresses himself in ways that demonstrate his confidence in himself and his ability to do what he wants. It makes him feel like all the times he has touched people made him disgusting somehow and the feeling plagues him somewhere within, taking back his power over his sexuality was so important and they had treated it like it was almost grotesque. 

“I-I’m sorry I couldn’t, my head and my body just wouldn’t cooperate, everything was just so-,”

“Baby please don’t apologize, I let them provoke me because I am always so defensive, but my feeling still get hurt and I never know what to do but, I am fine, and I am sorry I did not do more.”

“There, sadly I don’t think there is much you can do besides just be here with me when it is us.”

Moving back on the comfortable bed against the wall and pulling his knees to his chest, Kuroo slowly moves himself down and sidles up against him careful to leave some space between them in case it was needed in the moment. Kenma commented on how good their day had been up until those other people got their sharp talons into their feelings, this trip was going to be emotional just as much for Kuroo as Kenma it seems.”

“How about we play just between the two of us, find out the pleasant things we want to know.”

“You have me intrigued sweetheart, what is the first book series you got hooked on then?”

“A little embarrassing but a romantic teen novel called Hush, Hush with three more books after it but I liked imagining some bad boy angel coming to control my life, how many people have you beaten in an argument?”

“Do not think I have ever lost an argument I was educated on but that is my opinion simply, who was your favourite Teletubby?”

“Po without question, most money you have spent on something like underwear?”

“Well I would not know all up how much I have spent but currently all my underwear is Versace so a lot of money there, what is your favourite feature on someone?”

Before the black-haired boy could answer the question, he was intrigued by the underwear comment and with little tact asked to see, not for any other reason other than wanting to know what expensive underwear looks like. Deciding to get dressed into pyjamas and show they off to kill two birds with one stone, Kenma gets off the bed and strips off his jumper and then his pants to show a golden decorated band at the top and sheer design covering his legs.

Without thinking he reaches forward to feel along the fabric wrapped around his upper thigh and trying to play it cool Kenma tries to lightly ask what Kuroo is planning on doing with those wondering fingers, he springs back embarrassed and apologies. Apology disappearing in his throat when Kenma turns around and he sees the sheer material covering his favourite physical feature on Kenma, those thighs and lightly muscled stomach coming in close second.

“Intellect.”

“Huh?”

“You asked for my favourite feature.”

“Oh, I’m just surprised you would say that after staring so shamelessly at my ass.”

Teasing grin spread across his face as he turns back around with sweatpants now hiked up to his hips, shirt absent as he gets back onto the bed, but this time slips himself under the covers and waits for Kuroo to go through the same process. Under the covers in his underwear and nothing else Kuroo finally asks his next question, with a little shyness to his question he asks if so, far he has been able to enjoy himself at all.

“My time with you is unbearably my favourite, the other people make me question if I am ready to commit my first lot of homicide.”

“Sorry for putting you through this.”

“Remember if I desperately need to leave, I can be picked up without a second thought, we can fight through this if we are doing it together, remember?”

Getting sleepy they both stare at each other through half lidded eyes with space still between them as they start drifting off, Kuroo thanking him quietly before falling asleep quickly and surprisingly he is followed quickly behind by Kenma. Mind shutting off enough to fall asleep for the night despite all the mix of emotions they had been through that night, it is hard to sit through things that make you uncomfortable when others act like it means nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Check out my Twitter](https://t.co/oYvjcjfzmY)


	5. relaxation realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again the boys spend the day together enjoying themselves but Kuroo continues to be haunted by his family, Kenma decides to take matters into his own hand and help Kuroo with the help of some oils and candles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally i have wanted to use the candles part for ages now so im not even sure it fits in the context but its finally out there, i kind of have an idea for how i want to end it so it shouldnt be too many more chapters now we have finished three out of seven days of the trip also are people kind of getting what Kenma's side buisness is?

Kuroo found himself in an odd state of mind the next morning, he had thought after how Kenma had settled him down the night before that he would wake up unbothered but already a few minutes into wakefulness he had slipped into his own mind. Usually his partner would wake up later than him and this morning was no different which meant Kuroo had been up for a while, staring blankly across from himself in silence.

Even his skilful fingers and careful tongue couldn’t coax his boyfriend back out of himself, so he decided to just gently guide him through the morning, starting with small requests like let’s go brush our teeth and complete our morning routines. It calmed a part of Kuroo that he hadn’t known was wound up so tight by having someone control the situation, the dominant tone behind each of the words coming from his boyfriend made him shiver.

Having someone help him get dressed and decide what breakfast he was to eat that morning, as he slowly became more comfortable the soft heat of a blush began rising on his face as he realized rather embarrassingly, he was kind of turned on. Around mid-day morning was when this realization struck him as he stares at the boy standing across from him, cutting up fruits for him to snack on while waiting for the bread to toast.

“You can start eating now.”

“Thank you.”

It was the first proper thing he had said all morning as he consciously grabbed from the plate slid over to him, upon hearing his response Kenma seemed to visibly relax and a gentle smile spread across his face in relief. Kuroo would be more embarrassed about Kenma having to deal with him in those moments of lost consciousness if it were not out of his control when they happened, and also if he wasn’t so strangely good in the leading role.

“Did you have a good sleep last night?”

“Oh yes I did, thank you.”

“No need to thank me for everything baby.”

Despite saying that it was easy to see that saying thank you pleased Kenma, whether it stemmed from his own polite demeanour and to see it reciprocated made him happy or if the response did something else to him, Kuroo couldn’t tell. So, he just smiled and started eating his dinner while next to him sat Kenma going through his phone looking for places to go today, speaking aloud the different spots they had written down to see which one they wanted to do today.

Blaming it on the mood he was in a little earlier, Kuroo gingerly extended his hand out as if fearing rejection which Kenma destroyed by pulling his chair closer so they were sitting a hairs width apart with Kenma resting their joined hands on his upper thigh. His brain had quite frankly short circuited the second his boyfriend had slipped his hand under the chair and pulled him closer, was definitely not helping his earlier feelings.

Today’s date would consist of a museum tour followed by an afternoon in the park and he had to admit it had been some time since he last spent his spare time doing either of those things, not that they didn’t interest him but it interested him more seeing how happy they made Kenma. Face just lighting up so bright at the mention of their choices for that day it made his heart clench, watching people express joy over things always made him happy too.

It however once again meant sneaking out of the house to disappear before they could be joined so they went upstairs to get changed, dressed in his only pair of white jeans and a half tucked in artistically left opened button up light brown shirt that his boyfriend adjusted. Next to him Kenma looked like a dream in a cute white top with a slight puffiness to his sleeves, pretty lace trim around all the edges and a pair of high waisted baby blue jeans.

They managed their escape and thankfully during the morning they had been fair undisturbed by the other people in the house, still every time he thought he heard someone approaching Kuroo would flinch in suspense before calming down. Grabbing the keys before Kuroo could even fully reach for them Kenma was cheekily poking his tongue at him at, keys in hand and heading off towards the car parked outside and Kuroo could do nothing but follow. 

Having someone drive him was nice and it allowed him time to look out the window, there was Lana Del Ray playing on the radio and the breeze was coming through the small crack where the window had been brought down some. Fences lining the perimeter of the grounds besides the roads and on top of the posts, birds are perched nosily tweeting to other birds flitting around above them, as if something interesting was going on.

“Growing up I wanted to be a history teacher.”

“What made you change to studying business and running one?”

“Ah, well after seeing what my teacher was like when I started studying, I decided I did not want to be anything like that and then went down a path I least expected to try challenge myself.”

“Sorry to hear that, I’m glad you found success though.”

“Do not put yourself down by your families standards of success, what I do is nothing compared to the impact you have on those children you are so gentle with, I was telling the truth when I spoke about the next generation, the more seeds of kindness we plant in them the better life becomes.”

Nobody had ever really made him feel like what he was doing was worthwhile, of course Bokuto and others supported him helping children and coaching teams for younger kids but that was because all of them liked sport. Well that is obviously not to say sport isn’t something Kuroo enjoys but it was always about making sure they had someone to guide them, be there for them when they stumble or begin doubting themselves.

Once again, the car fell into a state of silence and it was comfortable like everything was around him, staring at the gentle bat of his long eyelashes against his cheeks and the way his pretty hands grip around the steering wheel. Everything about him was nice from the way he says his name to how he can control conversations, the way his eyes light up when discussing something he is incredibly and visibly passionate about and how he absentmindedly twirls his hair with his fingers.

His hair now tied up into a high ponytail with a delicate braid going through it which he had done this morning, even lost Kuroo had been entranced by the way his fingers moved through his own hair parting it and twirling it. Those golden eyes of his only focused on Kuroo as he continued to instruct him through his morning routine, everything he was doing for himself was done through second nature muscle memory.

“What is it about history that you like?”

They were almost at the small building when Kuroo had finally thought to answer the question and he had never seen excitement brighten a person like in that moment, it felt like he was going to pull over just to give him his full attention to explain it all. History had been something he learnt during his time in school and he had been interested by bits and pieces, the idea of working with ideas of the past just didn’t attract him to the subject too much.

“Everything came from somewhere and the idea that all we have today can be attributed to those who came before us is undeniably thrilling, we think we are so impressive for this and that while we think those before us were less intelligent but without them we would be nothing. Proving historical facts is like anything basically impossible because we were not around back then and even if we were, things are up to human interpretation which factors in bias and prejudice.

Seeing how different things affect the outcome possibly for generations to come is an almost devastating realization that even simple changes can have dramatic repercussions, our ability to survive and evolve comes from comparing and contrasting history to current day. The intelligence, the bravery, the madness and all the ways in which historical figures defined themselves and stood out makes me incapable of turning my head away.”

Rather easy to tell that he was almost bursting at the seems as they pulled up to the museum as if he wanted to say more but held himself back, it was really one of the first times that he seemed almost childish in nature. Energy zapping under his skin as lightning bolts of excitement zap through his veins, pumping him up and increasing his already incredible intensity when thrown into a discussion and it for lack of a better term, absolutely beautiful.

Stepping out of the car they gravitated towards each other, entering the building together to be greeted by an older gentlemen behind a glass cabinet dusting something off in his hands with a rag both old and worn. Glasses perched on his nose and a deep weathered voice greeting them with a note of disuse, he would not be that surprised if he was told they were the first people to come into this place in a while.

Although you can enter for free and tips are appreciated, the amount of money Kenma passed over to enter this place made Kuroo rather faint as he considered how long it would take in his life to make money like that which he could easily hand out. The older gentlemen seemed to feel similarly and offered to give them a detailed tour of the place and thanked his boyfriend with tears shining, it must be hard to keep these places open and organized on little donations.

Given how passionately Kenma feels about history he imagines a donation like that feels like nothing compared to the money he would probably want to give, earlier he had talked about his love of supporting small businesses as they are the ones who tend to put the most hard work in. Praising the effort of those who decorate their packaging with ribbons, products placed with personalized notes and inserted with little gifts of gratitude.

“How beautiful of an area you grew up in baby, no wonder it created someone as gentle as you.”

Compliments like that make his blood run hotter and his cheeks shine bright with the heat, they made him feel worthy and a little bit more desirable then what his family had drilled into him, no one made him feel as good as Kenma though. The old man didn’t seem bothered by the affection and actually seemed to smile gently at them, moving slowly and giving us enough time to listen whilst also looking over things.

Even without the passion Kenma carries with him Kuroo found himself interested to find out more as the man spun tales of places he had never visited, his history during school had never put on a performance like this and never covered the intricacies of such a never ending topic. Learning the first people to add in plumbing to their systems, how water wheels were created and the ways back then in which they created their roads and bridges.

The war tactics and how they developed their own styles and included the styles of enemies to become the best fighters, seeing just how different wars were fought back then compared to now with sword and shield compared to dropping bombs from the safety of your own country. Although he could never even dream of vibrating at the intensity at which Kenma does when history is brought up, being led around truly began opening his mind and expanding his knowledge.

“I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came, and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world.”

“What is that?”

“Madeline Miller retold the classic story from the Iliad with a direct focus on Achilles and Patroclus relationship naming it the Song of Achilles, it is during a scene where Achilles mother Thetis and wife Deidamia have him hidden on an island as a woman. He professes that his love and knowledge for Achilles is true and that nothing could make him unrecognizable to him, after the amount of time they spent together written like poetry I believe no one could ever know him better.”

“Hidden as a woman?”

“Knowing he would die during the Trojan War she tried to hide her son away but Patroclus refused to have Achilles disappear without him so once again he followed no matter how perilous the task, he was disturbed by what he found out but their bond was impenetrable.”

The man had left them alone in the last section of the tour and told us to get him if they needed anything from him, besides that they were undisturbed as Kenma took in the history of Greece and told tales from his memory. Speaking about the history of man and the history of the Gods and how to the people they intertwined, fact often time mixed in with fiction, so others disregard it as the fantasy of people long ago.

“If I could have a love it would be like Achilles and Patroclus, or Alexander and Hephaestion but that just might be the idealist in me, many historians dispute their relationship as anything more than friends.”

With a shyness gripping him Kuroo once again puts his hand out and visibly relaxes when Kenma grabs onto it and intertwines their fingers, he tries to be as inspirational as Kenma, but he ends up stumbling over his words. Trying to tell Kenma that anyone with his amount of passion and insight certainly seems history for more than what people try to present it as, it seemed to make him smile though so it was a win enough for Kuroo.

On their way out Kenma spots a tiny Michelangelo’s David as a keychain and buys it for him, small immature smile as he eyes gaze over the detail put into the keychain before handing it over to Kuroo who accepts it with an equally as immature grin. Finally spending his own money on them he offers to purchase them some crepes and goes over before Kenma can refuse, going for the sweetest option to satisfy his boyfriends love for sweet things.

“A kind gentlemen you are.”

Laying on his back with his head resting on Kuroo’s lap after eating his crepe quickly and surprisingly neatly for how filled it was with sauces and ingredients, leaning back on one arm Kuroo slowly makes his way through his own treat. Sometime recently it seems they have installed a fountain of sorts in the middle of the pond and it adds to the noises creating the ambiance of the park, wind brushing through the trees accompanied by birds singing on branches.

Bright things clear enough to be seen from the ground sat plump in a row up on the tree, not particularly clear but thankfully not disgustingly dirty the pond water sits in the middle of the park housing a number of chirping birds. Fish darting from the edges of the pond to the centre through the reeds and a family of turtles resting just on the lip of the pond, lush grass springing up brightly and gentle to the touch as they rest on it.

A family of five sitting off to the other side on a picnic blanket removing food from an honest to god wicker basket, checkered napkins and utensils held up by straps on the lid of the basket, expensive food placed in neat containers. Not far off from them three teenagers sit together laughing about something they found funny next to their skateboards, grins of careless teens drinking from one large bottle of coke and going on to knock each other around.

“You still feel tense, worked up from last night?”

Unfortunately, it was true and despite how well he is being treated by the pretty boy in his lap he was still carrying this weight on his shoulders, pulled taut like the string of a bow before the arrow is knocked and unleashed on its target. An uncomfortable energy coursing through his body and making him a little more fidgety then usual but he hadn’t wanted to draw attention to it, he was genuinely enjoying himself.

Even with the lovely day out and the snacks, spending time with a person who reminds him that life is worth living, he still finds himself ruining it with his inability to deal with things himself so it festers until his body cannot hide it any longer. Kenma reminds him not to blame himself as they get up from the ground and head towards the car, it isn’t his fault at all that he has had to go through what he had and that this is how he learnt to cope.

Once more he finds himself being led by the commanding tone of Kenma’s voice which he had never expected and those Golden eyes that follow him, observing him but not in a harsh critical way but almost trying to asses how Kenma should make his next move. They were in the car before he knew it and he was being driven home, it was some time after lunch and both of them had once again missed the meal.

It was what they considered midway through their week together which meant eating out, usually a fairly run-down diner that serves quick easy meals but good enough to be shared through the whole family but Kenma had other plans. Kenma asked him to pretend to feel quite ill and he didn’t have to act that much he felt a little off, dizziness disorientating him as they made their way inside, he didn’t want to be yelled at for disappearing again.

However, Kenma spun some tale about falling ill and that Kuroo especially was not feeling well, although sceptical about leaving Kenma behind they accepted and continued getting ready amongst themselves for dinner a little later. Leading him up stairs with a firm hand and clear instructions he could not be more thankful for the confidence Kenma carries himself with, it means he can stop forcing himself to appear big and in control because he never felt in control.

When his mother came in to check on them, without knocking even once mind you, she saw that Kenma was sitting up leant against the headboard with a sleepy Kuroo practically on top of him with his head against his chest. Kenma carding his fingers through unruly black hair and speaking softly as she inquired about how they feel, well mostly about how Kenma feels and if he is sure he can’t manage to come along with them.

As soon as they file out of the house and the door closes Kenma gets up to make sure everyone has left the house leaving Kuroo curled up on the bed, feeling better with the absence of his family but still a little unsure. It was heartbreaking to see what they had done to this boy to make him so unsteady in their presence but Kenma wanted to help in little ways, grabbing out the oils the lady from yesterday had suggested to him and placing them on the bedside table.

“Honey, will you listen to me?”

“Mhm.”

“I need to hear your words now.”

Something about the way he spoke broke Kuroo more out of his daze and he looked up, a puppy reacting to his owner and he moved himself around to better see Kenma whose standing over the bed staring at him. Opening his mouth to this time actually speak in response, he was listening to his boyfriend and he now had almost his full attention, some part of his brain was still foggy as if it had to wake itself up some more.

“Do you trust me to help you?”

“Of course.”

Not even a second seemed to span between the question and the answer and it almost knocked to air out of Kenma’s lungs, trust was something built up over time and through discussions as well as actions but the immense trust coming from Kuroo was unparalleled. He would be hard pressed to think of anyone who trusted him with his whole heart and soul like Kuroo seemed to, expectant shining eyes as if the question should not have even needed to be asked.

“Yesterday the lady explained to me that her grapeseed oil solution is good for relaxation and making your skin glossy, it also works alongside essential oils and herbs which increase the benefits and also just make you smell nice. I have experience in massages and thought that with what you have been put through, pampering you might make you feel better, but I want you to give your control of yourself over to me.”

“Control?”

“I need you to trust me and rely on me to fulfill what you need, do you understand?”

“All of me, you can have it.”

Honestly it was a daunting proposition, but he pushed aside how it made him feel and the surge of power electrifying his senses as he stripped Kuroo of unnecessary clothing, running his fingers up from his stomach to his chest pushing the shirt up before removing it. Lidded eyes following him as Kenma continues to feel out every available inch of skin before moving onto his pants, hair already dishevelled where he is spread out across his bed sheets.

For today he was going to leave him in his underwear, they didn’t have towels to cover him but as he was skimming along the expanse of his thighs Kuroo stopped his hand and gently guided it up a little more, he wasn’t trying to take control but non-verbally give permission. So Kenma chose for now to have him on his stomach and removed the skin-tight boxer briefs, taking a page out of Kuroo’s book he takes some time to admire the peach laid out in front of him.

Perfectly curved and plump, surprised that Kuroo doesn’t spend his time admiring himself with a body like this, comfortably muscled in the right places with a strength built to match that belies the gentle softness of his true nature. It is getting darker, so he lights a few of his candles and turns off the light in the room, hoping to make the lighting not only less harsh but to also give him a sense of comfort that he doesn’t have to expose too much of himself.

Laid out probably half asleep already on the bed Kenma finally joins him with his knees on either side of his body, oil gathered from the container now in his hands as he dips down to get to work from the neck. Running his hands along his shoulders and across the vast area of his back, fingers working delicately but purposefully to rid the tense feelings causing him discomfort before moving downwards along his arms and over his hands.

At first, he remained relatively still almost like he was noiselessly asleep but soon he Kenma found himself pulling noises from him, deep pushed and careful fingers bringing noises he had never heard from Kuroo out from his throat. His body flushed prettily as it registered the groans and hidden moans rising from his chest, but he didn’t ask for anything to stop, continuing down the back and recognizing the familiar places where most people get knotted up.

Originally, he had tossed up on speaking thinking it might ruin his relaxation, but he responded best to his voice and Kenma used that, guiding him through the movements but focusing less on fun facts about massages and more on reminding Kuroo of his worth. Commenting on how beautiful he is as he works his hands flat over his ass, moving his grip over the skin and enjoying the feeling placed by God in his hands as he oils his up.

Talking sweet over his thighs as he dips down dangerously between the middle of the two powerful limbs, but he does his best to hold back, focusing on the legs themselves and nothing close by as he works down still. A steady rhythm of his hands gliding over and massaging the oil into the skin with skilled hands trained to bring out the pain and instil pleasure, hissing at particularly rough parts turn into uncontrollable whines as he moves himself knowledgably.

Everything else far from his mind as he finally settles down by his feet to appreciate his ankles and across his soles, the pressure he must put himself under having to stand and move around during his day to day life with training sports on top of that. Feeling almost guilty finishing with that side but he would have to have Kuroo flip over to work on the front now, beaming almost greedily as Kuroo moves with his guiding hand and moved onto his back.

Not what he usually does for others but as he starts at the top, he kisses along Kuroo’s face starting at his forehead, both of his eyelids and the tip of his cute nose, across his cheeks and finishing with the pout that had settled onto his lips. Like a good boy he doesn’t open his eyes even as he twitches with reactions and calms himself down, working once again along the shoulders and down along his biceps to the backs of his hands.

“Sweetheart you are doing so well for me.”

Relaxed against the bed Kuroo visibly seems to shine under the praise but doesn’t open his eyes, a smile stealing any dreariness from his face and brightening his features considerably, this effect he had on Kuroo drains the blood from his brain downwards. Practically drooling over his chest Kenma comments on how beautiful the skin under his chest is, almost kneading it like a cat with the plushness under his practised hands.

Flicking his fingers and focusing a little too much on his nipples as he continues on, Kuroo tried to bite his lip to stop the noises from coming out now that he is on his back and they sounds so much louder but Kenma wouldn’t let him. Fingers holding Kuroo’s mouth open and lips apart until he nods his head in understanding that he most definitely is not allowed to harm himself during this, licking up the blood which had dribbled down from the puncture in his lip.

Moving down to the impressive set of abs and he lavishes them with attention, making them shine under his fingers as the candlelight dancing across his skin and illuminates his best features with a dangerous beauty. Still talking in his gentle but authorative voice as he moves down Kenma honestly for once doesn’t really quite know what to do with the situation, Kuroo had reacted steadily to his hands and he doesn’t know if it is too much to address it.

Hands gliding over his points and curves of his hips he decides to move past it for now, coming back to massage the thighs he quite honestly wants to have his head crushed between but that seemed to forward of a request. They had agreed to being comfortable with anything between them, but he wanted to woo Kuroo a little more than acting like a one-night stand, using him for his body isn’t the intention no matter how gorgeous and irresistible.

Digging into the points and releasing stress and pressure right down to his feet Kenma feels like he has brought Kuroo to the consistency of jelly, a nice accomplishment for someone who regards their hands to be gifts from heaven like Kenma does. Whether it is typing ropes together and massages, using his fingers in such a way has always been something he admires about himself, a skill he had worked hard on perfecting.

So he drags them back upwards and once again has his knees on either side of Kuroo and they are so close but he can hold back for now, except Kuroo breaks his rule of not being able to open his eyes to meet Kenma’s own which seem to glow in the dark. With almost a tremble to his lips he asks, on the edge of almost begging, Kenma not to stop now and the desperation in his disused voice has Kenma reacting without a second thought.

Careful hand going between them but never taking his eyes off of Kuroo who was on his back, eyes all but rolled into the back of his head and relaxed body barely able to move with the new intense feeling throbbing through his senses. Mouth open with gasps and noises Kenma was desperate to hear again and again and again but he managed to pull more than just moans from him, Kuroo collapsing back with skin shiny from sweat and oil once finished.

Usually he would be almost grumpy about his partner falling asleep right after but the whole point was to relax Kuroo and bring him a sense of peace, so clearing up the mess he made he decided the sheets would probably have to be cleaned tomorrow. No matter how strength it was almost impossible for him to move a sleeping Kuroo around enough to change the sheets now, so with the oil and candles dealt with he joins Kuroo in sleep.

“Good night Tetsurou, thank you for trusting me tonight, I will treat you tomorrow I promise, for how good you were for me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Check out my Twitter](https://t.co/oYvjcjfzmY)


	6. he was a skater boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the boys are joined by Daisho for a date at the skate park but they are too caught up in their own world to let his presence bother them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not my favourite, super short and sweet i guess but i want to discuss more of their backstories before anything major happens and i thought i would share some of Kenma's here but be warned that he discusses some possibly triggering subjects involving the grooming and abuse of a young child, nothing graphic but it happens at the end during the ice cream shop scene

“My knowledge far exceeds my skills on this one I am afraid.”

Kuroo had been in such high spirits this morning that even his cousins passing snide comments couldn’t bring his excitement down, he was a little redder and more fidgety around Kenma, but it was cute and endearing so it was a welcomed change. Matching his overall good was the weathering shining brightly outside with the sun refusing to hide behind clouds, baby blue sky dotted with only enough clouds to count on one hand.

Unfortunately, not matching the overall vibe for the cheerful morning was Daisho who had pre-emptively invited himself along for todays outing, listening to them talk over fluffy pancakes all dripped in maple syrup and covered in fresh strawberries. After breakfast they went upstairs to get changed and while they usually would have hurried in their haste to escape, this time there was no going unnoticed, so they went at a leisurely pace.

This morning had been sweet with the light shining in through the window and birds singing outside, opening up his eyes to see Kuroo like a puppy leaning over him with the sun brightening up his eyes and his first good morning kiss for the week. A soft yellow shirt tucked into a pair of mom jeans with rolled up cuffs, a shining silver chain and a brown belt thick enough to keep his jeans up, the whole outfit made Kuroo feel weak just taking in how cute his boyfriend is.

Of course the expensive outfits, and he is sure this is expensive enough, are nice and make him look dolled up but this look more fitted to a skatepark makes his heart beat a little bit faster in his chest, trying not to stare too much as he bent down to pull up his jeans. Caught up in his own admiration he managed to miss the way those golden eyes followed him, watching as he looks through all his clothes to find the best skater boy look.

Classic beaten up vans and the stereotypical checkered black and white socks, with black jeans rolled up higher than Kenma’s to show them off and a simple black shirt pulled over the top of a long-sleeved white shirt. Messy hair sat in disarray like it had last night as they collected their things to head out, this time they wouldn’t be taking the car as even though the skate park is a considerable distance to walk it won’t take too long with them together.

Daisho did of course make Kuroo regret his decision to walk all but five minutes in when he opened his mouth to start flirting with Kenma, uncomfortable grin spread across his face as he burst at the seems talking himself up an exposing his ego. It isn’t as though Daisho actually has an interest in boys he just likes making Kuroo feel miserable and as he has said before knowing they would hear, he thinks Kenma is passable for a girl anyway.

Walking along the side of the road kicking up small stones as a number of cars drive by quickly clearly over the speed limit but nobody out here seems to particularly care, hot sun beating down on them but thankfully they had brought water. Actually, Kuroo had watched his mum make little snack boxes for two of them and those two people certainly did not include himself, Kenma promised to share his when they both got hungry.

“I can just sit here and look pretty.”

He found out for the first time that there was something that Kenma could not quite do, explaining that the mechanics behind the art of skateboarding never seemed to click with him and he always found the atmosphere better then the action. Mentioning that he much preferred watching bigger men running around and performing tricks on board then having those same, hot men watch him trip himself over and slip around trying to find his rhythm. 

Some of Daisho’s local friends showed up with their boards and scooters looking the same gross breed of lecherous men as his cousin, wolf whistling and making remarks at Kenma who didn’t even flinch, instead keeping his eyes trained on Kuroo. By no means was Kuroo a professional or even particularly skilled at skate boarding but he could do a little more than the bare minimum, finding joy in Kenma’s cheeky cheers when he managed to land something a little impressive. 

Grey chain link fences surround the skate park on three sides with a large opening which probably used to have a door but now serves as a gash in the metal to enter through, the fourth wall is a brick wall dull enough to make the spray paint appear more vibrant. A few simple tags here and there but it actually looked like teenagers had put some effort into their art, creating depictions of people on their skateboards and just teenagers being stupid.

The other boys were people he had seen a few times growing up but never paid any attention to in particular and for good reason, varying in size from long and thin to bulky and short but not a single attractive one between them. Harsh green eyes muddied with deep brown, another has bright red hair fiery and messily tangled as if unkempt for weeks, one has a scar running over his knows and at the base of his throat.

Although Kuroo assumes the looks and gestures sent his way are meant to be intimidating he isn’t too bothered, other kids ride around carefree talking amongst themselves in voices newly broken and sending glares at the brooding figures interrupting their vibes. Having Kenma here with him makes him brush it all off without another thought as he tries showing off a little, managing to thankfully not land on his ass at all.

“How did I do?”

“Colour me impressed, I imagined with those long limbs you would be more uncoordinated.”

“Will you join me?”

Even with his initial reluctance Kenma gets down from the ledge he had been dangling his legs overlooking cute over a sea of unworthy men, stepping onto the board and holding onto Kuroo’s hands for balance. Instead of making Kenma figure out how to do it himself Kuroo simply pulled him gently around the grounds and over the bumps that threatened to knock him off, it made him smile and once again the joyous expression on his face stole his breathe away.

He almost managed to crash them both when his brain handed over the reigns to another part of his body, he saved them last minute, standing beside the board with Kenma held securely against his chest looking a little flustered and thankful for the save. Whether from the position or the heat from the sun he had a pretty flush to his cheeks and his long eyelashes frame his eyes beautifully, plump lips stained with a shiny gloss.

It seemed without consulting him his heart decided and he was kissing the gorgeous boy in front of him, the height difference lessened as he was now standing on top of the skateboard, but it all felt like magic. Kissing those lips while the sun shined down on them warmly with tongues pressing teasingly against each other, the nameless teens seemed a little jealous that they didn’t have their own pretty boy to kiss but besides that didn’t give them grief.

On the other side of the skate park Daisho seemed to be sneering at him and the boys looked a mix between unimpressed and genuinely mildly jealous, probably invited down here to be intimidating and not to have to watch Kuroo make out with one of the best-looking people inexistence. Lips wet when he pulls back and he can feel Kenma’s gloss smudged against his own lips, his eyes a little unfocused as he takes a small step backwards.

“Sorry if that was too much.”

“No man has ever apologized to me for making me feel good.”

His comment made Kuroo relax as the cheeky smile spread across his face and it was definitely at least a little bit of a blush spreading over to the tips of his ears, hands still clutching the front of his shirt with his smaller hands. It wasn’t so much awkward but there was some zapping tension between them both as they moved to go drink their water, believing the kiss was performative and they were both secretly wanting more but fearing it was too much for the other person.

For as smart as they are individually, they seem to share one functioning brain cell when placed with each other, second guessing themselves when they should have just gone for it but there is no higher power to bring down his hand and guide them along. This journey was for them to take alone as individuals before they can accept each other together, no amount of messy kissing or oiled up hand jobs can make up for a lack in communication.

Sitting side by side where Kenma had been perched earlier like a pretty bird watching humans run around like idiots down below, eating from the small contained of snacks that had been gifted solely to Kenma who was kind enough to share. Crackers with expensive cheeses placed on top, vegetables cut up neatly and placed next to a section filled with enough dip to cover it without hesitation and a number of small chocolate biscuits. 

“What’s your favourite colour?”

Kenma looked a little confused at the question because for all intents and purposes it did come out from nowhere but quite times like these make Kuroo think, he had learnt some important things about his boyfriend and things that have helped shape him. However, Kuroo doesn’t really know the little intricate things that make up who he is, and these are the things he should know even if just as friends, and he was glad to see Kenma willing to humour him.

“Probably gold, when did you discover you were bisexual?”

“I kissed a girl because it was apart of a party game so I knew I liked girls, but I was desperately sad and alone when I met a shy boy named Suna who was a part of my ninth grade arts class and he brought me here one day and we kissed.”

“The picture of high school romance I love it, I am guessing in a small area like this finding boys to kiss is not the easiest thing to do?”

“Definitely not but I got by reasonably enough, when did you have your first kiss?”

“First kiss I consented to would probably have been around eighteen.”

Words were important to Kenma so Kuroo was focused on the way he phrased his answer, the first kiss he consented to meant before the age of eighteen he had most likely been taken advantage of by some asshole. There is no age limits on first kisses and Kuroo hates the idea of people being pressured or shamed for putting it off akin to how he feels about stigma around losing your virginity, but he can’t help but wonder what that had done to a young Kenma.

Nothing short of beautiful with long or short hair, shining golden eyes that sparkle like molten gold and display how truly smart he is, delicate hands and fair skin pretty against the expensive fabrics of his clothing. Despite his appearance of being the prettiest boy alive that doesn’t give people the right to enforce their feelings onto him, his bodies is his to adorn with jewels and the brightest of lipsticks, not for others to take advantage of.

“You do not need to think so hard on my past sweetheart, I would trust you with all my secrets because I love to tell a tale but I do not want you to pity me or look at me differently because of the ugliness of my past.”

It hurt to agree he moved himself closer to Kenma and let him rest his head gently on his shoulder looking out to the increasing flow of teenagers, during their moment up here it seems Daisho and his group of idiots had left to wreak havoc somewhere else. Younger kids on roller blades and their bicycles reckless as all hell doing things that most kids aren’t brave enough to do, padded up with safety gear that it definitely looks like they’ll need.

Kuroo had thought before that he would want kids of his own one day running around the house, little onesies made to represent cute fluffy animals as they squeal and yell trying to chase each other around and around. Excitement in the chubby flushed cheeks and tiny hands grabbing at the leg of his pants asking to go up, face messy with food as they shovel it down wanting to go back to playing with their siblings.

The thoughts of happiness they bring all but come crashing down as he thinks about his own family once again and the pain, they inflicted on him, Kuroo has never considered himself a strong person so overcoming the cycle of torment seems unlikely. He sees it in his own impatience and his anger, eyes burning with frustration when dealing with someone who will not comply with him, a buzzing under his skin that he wants to tear at until it is let out.

Festering in his mind until he breaks and becomes an exact copy of everything his mother is, foul mouthed and bitter as he curses the world for all its injustices, taking out his anger and frustration on innocent people. It is why he no longer wishes to have children of his own especially none that he has biologically created with the cursed blood running through his veins, breeding children that will end up as tortured and mean as him.

“-Your favourite fruit?”

“Sorry, what were you saying?”

“I was asking what your favourite fruit was, it was my turn to ask a question.”

Whether he noticed Kuroo’s drifting thoughts or he felt some sort of guilt for his earlier comments it seemed like he was willing to bring the subject to lighter notes, hands coming together with intertwined fingers bringing them the closest they can side by side. Heat making their skin sting and their water supply running low besides them, but they stick it out until the last minute, wanting their day out to last forever and put off going back home.

“Hm, watermelon probably but I like sweet strawberries and hard pears, hard grapes too.”

Listing off the fruits he likes as they collect their stuff and make their way out of the skate park, leaving through the tear in the metal sectioning off what most of the locals call a disgrace from the rest of the area. Labelling all the children who go there as pests and good for nothing kids with too much time on their hands creating mischief, they fail to remember that these are people going out enjoying themselves with friends like they must have done in their day.

“A talent you don’t get to talk about enough?”

“Oh! I can fold really tiny origami cranes and have mastered some really difficult folds.”

It was nice to fully shake from the dark cloud that had wondered over them with their conversations earlier and they walked their way back home, talking about origami and the different creations he has lined up along his windowsill at home. Laughing as he explains with a soft smile that every year for Christmas, Akaashi and himself make quite a lot of origami decorations to put up around their place because they think it feels more home like.

Before heading home completely they decided on a detour to get themselves some more ice cream as a snack because of the heat, finding shade in a small business and embracing the frigid air hitting them from the inside. The large man behind the counter smiles widely at them both and gives them an extra scoop for free as he worries over them, asking if they have been taking care of themselves with the heat as bad as it is.

Chatting politely with the man as they collect their scoops and have their ice cream handed over, he notices that Kenma stopped responding, looking besides him, he sees his partner looking off to the side where a young couple sit with their child. Napkin cleaning off the ice cream he has managed to smear over his cheek and on his chin, eyes dripping with tears as he tries to fight his mother from cleaning him up, but she just smiles kindly and continues.

“When I was younger, I ran away from home.”

They were sitting down on one of the cold tables situated outside of the ice cream place, cool breeze still hitting them from inside, but they had a little bit more privacy then sitting inside where there is a steady stream of customers. Looking into his eyes Kuroo is almost reminded of himself when he hits a brick wall and fades into his own mind, escaping the current situation he is facing and often times finding himself recalling memories from his past, he didn’t dare interrupt.

“My parents were not particularly bad people they just simply did not care too much about their child, they fed me and made sure the water did not turn off so I could shower but it was a small place we lived filled with bad people. Not wanting to pay for an expensive sitter they entrusted me to one of the neighbours who was a gentleman in his twenties I think, living in his place tapping away at his keyboard at all hours.

It did not have to be just for work, whenever they left they would bring me over to him and he would watch over my but I always felt he watched me too closely, eyes dragging over me and making me feel suffocated but my parents would not listen. I acted out for the first time to get them to finally pay attention and hear me, but I got beaten, my body hurt so bad and breathing was way too hard on me, so I stopped being able to play outside.

Must have seen this as some sort of opening because the neighbour started treating me so well and my brain switched because now, he was saving me from my parents, I gave him too much and he spent so long grooming me. Violated me and he violated that trust, the fear came back, and I refused to go back to his place when my parents went to leave, it hurt so bad that time that I could not do it anymore and I left and I guess part of me just wanted to see if they would follow.”

He told it with a clear voice, but eyes glazed over like a doll performing a practised piece, acting perfect and moving how they were told to with words flowing out so quickly that none of what they say can hurt them. The harsher details are simplified either for Kuroo’s benefit or Kenma’s but no matter who for he is thankful because he can fill in the spaces himself, can so vividly imagine the pain, the betrayal but also the bravery.

Nobody seems to put much weight behind bravery and its thrown around like it is an easy won trait but to put yourself as a young child out into the world, wounds fresh and ripped open by those you trusted and to survive. Climbing up from the bottom and being able to clearly see a top, work on yourself until you are the type of person that you are happy to face in the mirror, an expression of pure bravery that Kuroo has never mastered.

When he looks at Kenma he hears the intelligence behind his words and the practised confidence in which he shares his information, gathering the reactions of those around him and filtering it through his mind to create his next response. The careful way he moves his hands while explaining to give away what the person needs to see instead of the whole picture, dressed in expensive clothes and smiling carefree because he has trained, practised for this moment and earned this opportunity.

“You are incredible Kenma, no words can describe my pride in your strength and perseverance.”

It was incredible adorable to see the shocked look on his face as he moves his ice cream up to hide the flush staining his cheeks, he seemed a lot shyer than Kuroo was used to in this moment, but he would savour it. A vulnerability he was freely giving away with trust Kuroo did not feel like he had earned but was honoured to have, his long hair falling in front of his face to hide it, but he could still make out the defined features of his partners beautiful face.

“After I ran away I faced a lot of hardships on the streets and then staying with certain people but I found someone I trust in Akaashi and he has been my rock ever since, I am glad he was the one to connect with Bokuto in a way that led to us meeting.”

“Well if we are being open then I feel like I can talk to you about-,”

“Please do not feel like you have to share anything with me if you do not want me, I unfortunately do not have a perfect filter and possibly over share but I trust you and I do not want to somehow manipulate this into making you tell me anything you are not comfortable with.”

“My trust is not so freely given and I am quite tight lipped but nobody has brought me such serenity until you came along and I want to share this with you, I want to tell you the story of the death of my older brother.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Check out my Twitter](https://t.co/oYvjcjfzmY)


	7. Selene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a date to the grocery store isn't the most glamour but the boys find themselves enjoying all their time together, it even leads to a night poets would write about

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some things:  
> 1\. didn't meant to leave the cliffhanger for so long but school has been kicking me in the ass, hope it wasn't too anticlimactic but i didn't want to drag it out
> 
> 2\. i vaguely have an idea of how i want to end this so possible one or two more chapters and them maybe an epilogue
> 
> 3\. warning will come with the chapters but i think some heavy topics will be addressed after this so just be prepared
> 
> 4\. also [spoiler] non-explicit nsfw later in this chapter

Even when Kenma woke up the next morning his mind was still elsewhere thinking about what Kuroo had told him yesterday, those words ringing around inside his head as he watched his partner get out of bed and head off towards the bathroom. Last night they had been up late all gathered in a field with other people from neighbouring houses performing Christmas carols and it had been an odd experience, however his mind hadn’t been working correctly after their day out together and he spent most of it forgetting the words to simple songs.

It had been so pretty under the night sky with shining stars beaming above their heads, the soft grass brushing against their legs covered in warmer clothes for the night out and the lights of their trucks illuminating the ground they are standing on. He hoped Kuroo’s mother wouldn’t come in and check up on him if he missed breakfast because he already felt dizzy enough, feeding food down his throat would just lead to vomiting it straight back up into the toilet.

_“When I was younger, I had an older brother named Natsusa who was the family favourite, he was the smartest person who had been raised in this area and was athletically brilliant so much that he had been scouted by big names from places hours away. He had the love of my entire family and the respect of every person who had heard his name or crossed paths with him, a cheerful smile that won ladies hearts and a fiercefully loyal heart._

_For some reason he spent his time with me and making me smile whenever father would downplay my accomplishments or mum would laugh at one of my interests, teaching me how to play volleyball behind our parents back and giving me advice that saved my lifetime and time again. Out the back we used to meet in the tree house when we needed to talk to each other, if one of us was sitting in the tree with the bright red flag raised, the other would know to go out._

_One day I noticed that the red flag had been raised and I hadn’t seen my brother all day so I made my way out there and he looked different, a distant look of caution and displeasure spelled out across his face and at the time I couldn’t imagine why. Not much time passed in the tree house, but he told me he was proud of me and that he loved me so much but that he couldn’t stay here anymore, that he needed to get out and had to leave me behind._

_At the time I hadn’t truly realized what his words meant until that night when I his truck pull up the driveway although he was trying really hard to be quiet, looking out my window I saw he had gone into the treehouse where he had stored some bags earlier. His girlfriend was right next to him in a flowy dark green dress and bright blond hair blowing in the night air, we made eye contact despite the lack of any good lighting and it was then that I realized what he had meant._

_Racing as fast as I could outside even as I watched them get into the car and drive away I continued to run after them and before I knew it we were out on the road, I don’t know how loud I was crying and screaming for my brother but my tears blurred my vision. Everything was swimming together, but my brother’s girlfriend noticed me, and they pulled over so that Natsusa could get out, he looked just devastated to see me like that, but he couldn’t come back._

_He was trying to convince me to go home gently but I was filled with this anger and resentment for him that I lashed out and told him that he wasn’t my brother, ran straight onto the road and didn’t see the truck hurtling towards me until the bright lights were all I could see. When I next opened my eyes, everything was white and I thought I had died, my brother had made a split-second decision and got me out of the path of the truck, sacrificing himself as collateral.”_

_“Your brother died for you?”_

_“My parents have never forgiven me for taking their prized son away from them.”_

To blame a single child for the actions of a drunken man in his forties sat behind a truck without a care for road safety or even the decision of a caring, loving older brother putting people before his own safety is disgusting. Daisho had idolized Natsusa and blamed Kuroo for taking him away from him, which is why he started acting out, his older sister hates him for making her the next oldest and therefore the one his parents expect to be the best.

Watching someone like Kuroo live his life with such a bright almost blindingly pure smile when he was baring such blame and a crushing weight upon his shoulders was devastating, Kenma couldn’t even begin to comprehend what he must feel daily. If only he had known sooner maybe he could have focused his efforts in a separate way and now he just felt selfish, getting close to his partner and comforting him physically like someone using it as an excuse to seek their own pleasure.

Pushing away the negative thoughts for now and replacing them with more positive thoughts, or well more accurately thoughts on how to make a more positive impact in Kuroo’s life when nothing he could do would ever be enough. The man himself made an appearance in the doorway with his hair laying flat and wet against his forehead making him appear younger, shining eyes and a small adorable smile on his face as he asked him down to breakfast.

Basically impossible to say no to that so he got himself off the bed and cleaned up for now, he would have to put something together quickly to treat Kuroo before he worked himself into a fit overthinking the trauma of someone he has only known for a few days now. Unfortunately, that is just the thing, Kenma had taken such an interest in Kuroo he almost found himself forgetting after this week is over, they will be over.

However that might make him feel in the pit of his stomach and the dizziness in his head, it doesn’t mean that while they are together he can’t treat him as best as possible, later he could put together a picnic for them to eat while they stargaze. From what he had read earlier in the week there was meant to be something special happening later tonight and hopefully it will brighten their week, a shooting star racing across the sky to bring the pair of them happiness.

Relying on chance and luck simply aren’t traits that Kenma ever developed so he puts the plan to work in his head to bring them happiness in his own way, applying a glossy shade of sparkling light pink across his lips and fixing the braid holding his hair up. Dressing up in a sheer black shirt covered in pretty silver stars over a simple black crop top, tucked into a pair of high waisted black shorts with large silver buttons up the front.

Even if this was all make-believe for the tide over the family for the week, the way that Kuroo’s eyes follow him as he enters a room is real and makes his skin tingle warmly under such a heavy gaze that lowers as he moves past carefully. Bending over to fix up his shoes that really didn’t need to be touched up on but anything to provide for an unobstructed view of his ass, Kuroo was blushing bright when he came back up and made direct eye contact with his partner.

“Want to take me on a date to the nearest grocery store today, baby?”

“Of course, I would go anywhere for you.”

“Lovely to her, very sexy of you to announce your commitment to me.”

He said it with an almost ferally lustful smirk, but he wasn’t really playing it up too much for the family members present, it was honestly really cute whenever Kuroo came out with one liners like that because they made him feel a little special. Always out to make things more dramatic then they needed to be but always for the best reasons and it was like living in a fairy tale, except his prince was an awkward boy with pretty eyes and a deliciously thick body.

Despite how much Kenma would love to sit there on his stool and think about all the places he would like to drag his tongue across on Kuroo’s body, thinking those kinds of thoughts in tiny tight shorts around his partners family was a bad idea in every way. Huffing a little to himself and finishing off the breakfast as neatly as possible to not get any cream or jam over his clothes, clattering his utensils nosily down onto his plate.

“Could you see if they have any Christmas lights on sale out there while you are out? Your mother doesn’t think we have enough decorations put up around the place apparently.”

Out of everyone in the house Kuroo’s father was definitely more likely to strike up a regular conversation and ask for something while not just addressing Kenma but also his son, a crisp note in his hand as an offer to pay for the lights if they acquire them. The house had been done up rather nice with lights twisted artistically around the rooms and over the Christmas tree, stockings hung up and filled with fruits and candies for Christmas Eve.

A number of animals that sing Christmas songs if you press their hand hard enough lined along the available surfaces around the house, some of them seem to activate when they sense you walking by and those surprise Kenma the most walking to the bathroom at night. Wreathes placed on the backs of doors hanging high up and decorated incredibly well by his standards, candy canes spilled into bowls placed on tables throughout the house.

“We would be happy to do that for you!”

Thankfully they were once again out of the house and this time blessedly unaccompanied by anyone seeking to bother them for some selfish reason or another, the taste in his mouth has yet to actually leave but he doesn’t feel so fidgety and unsure around Kuroo anymore. Last night he had been a lot more uncomfortable and had found himself drifting out of his partners proximity but close enough as to not be too close to the other relatives, his heart making things difficult.

Nothing came from any blame on Kuroo but everything just put his brain into overdrive thinking it over and over within his head, wondering how a family could be so dysfunctional as to push out their “best child” and cause their “worst child” to live in such sufferance. With his mind focused on other things he had missed the way that Daisho had watched him all morning, checking his phone every now and again like he was waiting for news.

Getting into the car and watching as the house became a tiny image shrinking in the review mirror as they travelled towards the grocery store, for the picnic he wanted to get foods that his partner would like but also not wanting to ruin the surprise means not being able to ask. Hopefully Kenma is able to get the information from him without raising suspicions, pulling into the carpark and the music beating out of the radio slowly begins to quiet down.

Moving around the store side by side with Kenma pushing the dodgy trolley in front of him up and down each of the isles, he finds that when he gets Kuroo talking it is easy to pick out information useful to his quest and collect the foods and other pieces he needs. Gets simple things like fruits and crackers with expensive cheeses, dips of a variety of flavours and meats that had taken him a while to find the ones of the best quality for.

Playing through the stores radio system was a remix of a Christmas song and it was arguably one of the most painful things he had heard walking around a grocery store, or ever to be honest as it made his headache violently. Without noticing Kenma reached his hand out and grabbed one of the belt loops of Kuroo’s low-slung beat-up jeans, navigating the trolley one handed while resting his fingers delicately against his hip and allowing his chilled fingers to brush his skin every now and again.

“Can I have you tonight?”

“H-Have me tonight, well I m-mean-,”

“Tempting as your embarrassed face is sweetheart, I meant will I have your company tonight, if it progresses further and more intimately then you will not find me complaining in the slightest.”

“Ah, of course, yes, to the first one, and the second one maybe, definitely.”

Stuttering over his words and blushing a fierce rosy red that made a part of Kenma warm up inside and bloom into something sweet, a fragrant flower he had not had contact with in a while and he knew what it represented. Loving someone was difficult romantically and maybe it isn’t all that different to loving someone familiarly like he does with Akaashi, but it is a delicately fragile thing that threatens to break inside of him and make him bleed from a thousand tiny shards.

Even though Kuroo had put some things in the trolley himself Kenma was happy to flash his card and pay for everything they had purchased, even the Christmas lights which they had passed when they first entered the store. Carrying the bags back out to the car meant Kenma got to watch the gun show as Kuroo flexed his muscles carrying more bags then necessary at once, lifting them into the back of the car while Kenma all but drools over him.

No personality has drawn him in quite as perfectly as his partners did but that isn’t the only thing, he has come to appreciate about the tall man starting up the vehicle, a light sweat shining his skin as the sun beats down on them from above. Eyes focused on the road and not on Kenma who was leaning against the door of the truck and putting his full attention on Kuroo, looking over his long fingers and big hands to his muscled arms and wide shoulders.

Only way to make him sweeter would be to drizzle him in honey and cover him in the moist, juicy fruits dripped over a defined chest and perfectly muscled abs, the thought of doing so made Kenma far too distracted then he would ever admit to. Licking the sweet juices of fresh strawberries from all the curves and dips of his body as he whispers endearments into his gorgeous skin, worshiping the man who has conquered so much.

Including Kenma who was captivated and intrigued by such an innocently beautiful man who liked to encourage children and check up on his friends during the holidays, messaging Bokuto to make sure everything on that side is going well. Kenma had of course been keeping Akaashi updated on the situations playing out in the Kuroo household although he didn’t share everything, outlining the basic information and complaining about everyone annoying.

“Are you going to grab some bags or-,”

“Oh, but I do love seeing my big, strong boyfriend lifting those awfully heavy bags for little ol’ me.”

Now he was definitely playing it up, but it worked as he once again got to watch Kuroo showing off the fruits of his labour with muscles to write home about and no disrespect to his deceased brother, but he could not imagine someone topping this. Well he could imagine someone topping Kuroo but that was not the way he had intended and now he was frustrated once again, willing away some delicious thought in favour of talking to his family with an innocently clean mind.

For the first time they didn’t have to eat around the table and sat in the living room to watch Christmas movies as a family, spread out across the couches and the younger of the group got sat on the floor to situate themselves. As soon as they finished eating Kenma cuddled himself on top of Kuroo with his fingers trailing up and down innocently to anyone who looks, however all Kenma could think of was getting his hands all over him.

“Delicious dinner as always and makes me question how I ever hope to eat food not made by you after this, but may I ask to retire for the night?”

“Always so polite! Of course, you can head in for the night, and don’t let my son bother you any.”

Back in the safety of their bedroom, Kenma went to work laying out a blanket over the floor to sit on in the line of sight of the massive window, the dark night sky largely visible through the glass which was pushed open to give them a better view. Stars twinkling amongst themselves up there unbothered by humans on Earth and uninterested with their struggles, praised and studied long after they have lived out their lives.

Dinner thankfully didn’t fill them up too much tonight and Kuroo almost cried at the food neatly splayed out and prepared over the blanket, small plates and cutlery laid out neatly for them to pick through while they watch. Resting his head on his partners should while he slips grapes into his own mouth with a popping noise and picks the stems out, listening to the sounds of animals rustling around outside mixing in with the muted sounds of chatter from downstairs.

When he realized that Kenma was truly not going to judge him for nerding out on him Kuroo went off with the facts about space and stars in particular, the lights making his eyes glow and skin shimmer beautifully as he moves his hands animatedly while talking. Explaining where each of the important ones are and where they got their names, the accomplishments performed by humans and his own theories of things from out there.

Really, he didn’t want to disturb Kuroo as he seemed to be enjoying himself thoroughly staring up at the different things Kenma would appreciate under any other circumstances, but he couldn’t help himself, pushing Kuroo down onto the blanket and getting on top. The lights illuminating around Kenma where he sat and making him glow like a blessing or an angel sent down from heaven, but his thoughts strayed from everything holy in that moment.

Fingertips like prayers and a tongue like desire racing against the lines of his throat and across the plush expanse of his chest, licking the strawberry juices off of teased nipples and biting shapes into the hips jutting out above sweatpants pushed lower on his body. A blazing fire hotter than any number of suns could ever hope of reaching burns between them as Kuroo is instructed through everything, shaking slightly with every movement ordered by the younger male.

Hair slipping out of its braids while Kuroo slicks up his fingers and performs better than Kenma had planned on giving him credit for, fingers pressing deep into his skin as his partner explores the marks across his skin and learns to appreciate every piercings Kenma has adoring his body. Every second of their interaction was led by Kenma with messy smudged lips and darkened eyes and Kuroo could not help but follow, like a sailor sung into despair by a siren.

Except this encounter didn’t leave a dead body drowned out at sea but with Kuroo finishing with a hand wrapped around his throat and a pretty boy singing his praises, working every inch of his body like a practised art performed like a ceremony in the moonlight. Quiet enough not to have the rest of the family downstairs come rushing up but they were vocal in their appreciation of each other, nails dragged over skin to match.

“I feel like nothing can go wrong; we were blessed by the Goddess Selene.”

“Men dictate their own fates my love, our lives can reach their highest peaks just before the inevitable downfall.”

“Your pillow talk abilities need improvement.”

“Unfortunately, if you want someone passive pillow princess beside you, you will have to go looking somewhere else, my warning still stands beloved.”

“Well I have faith in us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Check out my Twitter](https://t.co/oYvjcjfzmY)


	8. departure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> after a night like that, what could possibly go wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a short last chapter but here are a few quick points:
> 
> \- a spoiler but if your are bothered by underage sex work then [spoiler] when Kenma was in high school he was forced into sex work and never left it and it is suggested a lot of his interactions are unhealthy  
> \- another spoiler but covers mental health so if that worries you make sure to read [spoiler] Kenma has unresolved issues that cause behaviors however the boys don't stop to think about it and make it seem like he is in control when he isn't which unsettles Kenmas stability

There was something about the warmth in his room that kept him hidden beneath his blankets with his eyes still closed but consciousness slowly creeping in, light shining in indicating the sun had risen fairly high for the morning. Usually an early riser Kuroo finds himself basking in the comfort and the afterglow of what had transpired between him and Kenma last night, sheets tangled around him and hair messy across his pillow.

Finally opening his eyes and looking around blearily only to notice that he seemed to be the only one still in bed, extending his arm over to the other side where it was empty and beginning to lose the warmth of someone having been sleeping there. Sitting up slowly as he contemplates the peculiarity of Kenma being awake but also up out of bed before him, not wanting to tarnish his good morning with overthinking he decided to get up.

Knowing his mother, she had probably gotten him up and asked him to do something for her, the older members of the family will be attending a special church service by now and it is likely she got him to do something to help her out. Leaving the comforting warmth of his bed made him ache deep in his heart like he was stepping out of a soothing dream and walking straight into a nightmare, but he chose to ignore the feeling.

Although he had gone into this slightly apprehensive, he had genuinely found himself connecting with his partner and their relationship began blossoming, it came into full bloom last night under the gorgeous stars surrounded by sweetness. Something had bugged him during the week though like there was something stopping him from fully connecting with Kenma, a part of him that was keeping him far away as to not fully understand who he is.

None of that had mattered last night as he had soaked in the blessing of a once in a lifetime experience with the closest thing he could find to God on earth, prayers spilled from his lips as they gave and took from each other equally. A blanket of warmth from his memories surrounding him as he walks through the house noticing his cousins and sister still asleep with their doors closed, met with the crushing realization that Daisho’s bedroom door was open and he was gone.

Moving slightly faster as he made his way downstairs with chilled feet hitting the floor almost silently as he listened out for any noises, towards the front of the house he heard talking and decided that was his best bet. Sweatpants hung low on his hips and his brain still tired from being awoken only moments prior he cannot quite comprehend how this scene must have come about, arguing heatedly is Daisho and Kenma.

Even in the midst of an argument his partner looked powerful beyond all belief, but he looked more agitated then Kuroo had ever seen him, like his emotions had been muted to be more docile around him acting more refined. Now he stood against Daisho without backing down or evading anything with sharp eyes and a posture that even Kuroo could tell would make a weak man cower, however there was something about what Daisho was saying that was giving him an edge.

“Well if it isn’t the man himself, glad you finally made your appearance.”

“Leave him out of this asshole.”

“So feisty of you kitten I truly underestimated you I’m just happy I did my research.”

Whatever it was that Daisho was talking about made Kenma looked conflicted bringing his eyes from the man across from him over to Kuroo, the overall sense of innocence washing over him as they made eye contact and it made him shudder internally. It was like Kenma had a deck of cards in front of them and is shuffling through them and showing a different hand to Kuroo hen he is to Daisho, it seems this vulnerability was Daisho’s way in.

“Did he ever tell you about his side business or was that another thing he kept from you.”

“Side business?”

“I was going to tell him eventually, it’s just that-,”

“Just that you haven’t built a personality up strong enough to take it when he rejects you?”

Maybe he could pick up on the closer details of their body language and what they were saying underneath all their words but Kuroo was tired and confused, the warmth feeling shattered as he feels a cold chill run down his spine. Everything going on in front of him makes his world feel like it is tilting, and he feels ill to his stomach and he doesn’t even know why yet, all the word play and the power struggle makes him even more confused.

“Everything about him is either lies or manipulation and I cannot believe you have not seen it yet, I thought I recognized Kenma when we first met and that’s because he is a sex worker and has been since high school. Whatever you think you know about him is wrong and entirely made up because the amount of people I know who have gotten to know Kenma, have all given me different tales of different backstories that Kenma has spun for them.”

Standing there in a foreign house dressed in his expensive clothes that somehow looked wrong on him like ha hadn’t put the usual attention or care into presenting himself, orange standing out against his skin and his golden eyes harder than he had ever seen them before. Except Kenma was no longer defending himself or explaining the situation so that Kuroo could jump to his defence, he is standing there like a stranger.

Besides them the house is silent almost like it is standing still to watch everything play out like a crowd watching a play, buying tickets to a story you have no knowledge of and had no time to prepare yourself for. The sun as the spotlight blaring down on them blindingly like it is doing its very best to make them sweat and become uncomfortable, birds supressing their usual joyful songs like they are holding their breath waiting for the next reveal.

“I have no shame in my work.”

“How many of those interactions do you actually remember having? Work involves putting effort in and all you do is let men use you so you can finally feel something in your miserable life, you use people and build connections, but they mean nothing to you.”

“You are making assumptions based on how a few jaded men feel about me?”

“Every aspect has to be under your control because this is all story telling to you! There is no actually wanting to help people and bring them comfort, all you actually want to do is move them around like pawns on a chess board so that in the end you can sacrifice everything as long as you, the king remain unaffected and victorious at the top.”

“None of this is true and you know it.”

“Do I? Does it look like Kuroo believes you?”

Throughout the exchange Kuroo had not noticed how his body language changed but when Kenma turned to look at him after the question Daisho posed hung between them in the air, he flinched back as if he had been burnt. Like he was a witch being prosecuted by a bunch of townspeople with lit torches thrown around the air and chants like broken promises leaving their lungs, eyes full of flames from the stake burning up.

It wasn’t how he had meant to react because he had wanted to give Kenma the benefit of the doubt, but he felt so used, this week had been them fake dating and nothing intimate had needed to go down between them, but things had happened. At the time he had been under the impression that there was a mutual feeling of respect and that a connection had electrified between them, only to find out that he is a part in a larger game run by Kenma.

Feeling sick and his throat constricting as he subconsciously moved his body closer to where Daisho is and away from Kenma who was looking more defeated then he had hearing anything coming from Daisho, he truly had not made himself ready for Kuroo’s rejection. Despite everything that Daisho had done to him in the past and had inflicted on him during their years together, Kuroo still sided with him in this crucial moment.

As if to mock his earlier light feelings of joy the clouds overtook the sun and bathed them in a darkness that seemed to seep out of their very souls, a blackness that choked them up and spat out the vicious feelings from within them. The confusion and betrayal stinging like lacerations against his skin as he made it known how hurt he was feeling without thinking of how Kenma must feel, alone in a house filled with strangers far away from any semblance of safety.

Brain turning quickly in his head as he looked between them like he was hoping for some hand to reach out to him and pull him from the pit he had been thrown into, a frantic buzzing beneath his skin and breath coming in short like the pit was being filled in. Gulping breathes and dirt gets thrown in over his head and buries him in deep, Kuroo is the ladder thrown over the edge just out of reach, watches his saviour get pulled further and further away.

Had Kuroo been a better, stronger man he would have thought more on what was happening in front of him with Daisho’s sadistic smirk spreading like a gash from a knife across his face begging Kenma to do something and get cut. Kenma looked like words were trying to claw their way out of his throat but barbed wire was tightening around and cutting deep into his skin, pulling out his air as eyes dulled of their usual spark dart back and forth.

Confusion pounding at the front of his skull trying to get him to make sense of the accusations and the hatred he was receiving but Kenma wasn’t prepared for this, he wasn’t ready to be confronted for something even he wasn’t aware. Had he really been using people all this time and was that were the dominance came from, being able to move people how he pleases with no regard for how the other person might struggle against him.

Earlier when Kenma had first been awoken by a nagging feeling pulling at him and had been confronted by Daisho down in the kitchen getting himself a glass of water, he had messaged Akaashi to please head up as quickly as possible. Staying roughly an hour away, Akaashi and Bokuto had promised to retrieve him if anything happened that they needed to escape from but at the time they had almost imagined Kuroo would be escaping with him.

“Kuroo you have to believe me I-,”

“You broke my heart.”

Like a wounded dog, the scared defeated whimper that left Kenma in that moment almost made Kuroo snap out of the confused ego laced headspace he had slipped into and even managed to sink itself into the very marrow of Daisho’s bones. They had beaten Kenma down successfully and even with his smiles and his laughs even Daisho watched the slip into mania befall Kenma’s expression, body language on high alert as he fled the house and ran.

A jolting feeling like finally getting your car to start up on a wintry morning overcame him and he ran to the front door but Kenma was nowhere in sight, Daisho was holding him back and telling him to just forget about it. They still had to finish their Christmas week as a family even if that meant letting go of his partner, forgetting the kisses and the times they laughed over something together, the comfort and the familiarity that grew between them.

Even if it meant falling to his knees defeated and sobbing into his hands still tightly holding the cold handle of the front door, a chilled breeze filtering through the gap and filling the house with an unsettling lack of warmth. It felt like when Kenma had left he had taken all the happiness with him with those pretty eyes and delicate hands, soothing voice and lips wet with shiny gloss, an intelligence that made him want to learn all the secrets of the universe.

Sometimes you are left alone with your thoughts as your cousin cant detach you from the front door and leaves to find something warm to cover you with, the delicate hand of your older sister who breaks free of her bitterness to embrace the responsibility of an older sibling. The disappointed look from your mother disappears as for the first time in years she takes you into your arms and hugs you, your father comments on what a loss it had been.

Nothing brings people together quite like tragedy but Kuroo cannot embrace the comfort thrown over him as he sits on the lounge, bundled in blankets and staring blankly at the television which had yet to actually be turned on. Something horribly heartbreaking had happened to him but he had not lessened his impact in breaking someone else, no matter how much it might hurt you can always get over a breakup, but they had broken Kenma down intimately and dangerously.

He ignored the messages filtering in from Bokuto asking how he is and asking for more information on what happened, taking only a second of newfound relief upon receiving one single message from Akaashi stating that Kenma had been safely picked up. Kuroo ended the week with his family and having the safety of his house to protect him as he celebrates Christmas, dulled emotions and slow movements aside, he couldn’t imagine what Kenma had.

On the last night exactly at midnight Kuroo picked up the phone and rang the number still written under the name sweet kitten but he was met with the cold robotic voice, the words telling him the phone had been disconnected and was now unreachable. A boy with long hair an expensive clothes had drifted through his week life a breeze and left like a storm, putting down the phone Kuroo then resigned himself to his misery and gave up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ending is sad and lonely so if you want a lighter epilogue then let me know in the comments, it might explore their relationship and mental health in more detail. right now it's shown as completed but make sure to bookmark and subscribe incase I add a final chapter!
> 
> [Check out my Twitter](https://twitter.com/sournlemon)


	9. Alectrona

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an epilogue discovering where the boys have been at for the past few years and maybe more

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> requested by many people after i finished with chapter 8 that the an epilogue be explored, not to spoil anything but i didn't plan for one of these parts to happen but it did anyway.
> 
> my life is hectic but even when its not my writing is quite frantic, getting ideas out without editing just so i can have something established if i want to explore later but! but i really enjoyed this story and im thinking of going back and cleaning it up, making it more linear and less cluttered with me forgetting what i had already written. ive never done something like go back and edit a completed work so i was wondering, do i completely republish each chapter with it fixed up or do you wish for a break chapter as number 10 and then for the revamped version to continue on from chapter 11 so both variations are available?

Science has suggested that the rhythm of ocean waves and tides coming in and out affect the rhythm of the neuronal “waves” in our brain, encouraging a more peaceful pace of thought but if you asked Kenma he would just say it sounded nice. Moving closer to the beach had been a big step in his life but he was comforted by the fact that he could bring himself down any time he liked, cold sand between his toes as the moon hangs high in the sky.

Illuminated water rippling and frothing as he digs himself a little hole in the sand, away from everyone else and basking in the chilled night air under the sky with stars that shine so prettily, like camera flashes documenting his recovery. During the day he has befriended animals from bright red crabs to shells that had suspiciously moved around, at night he allowed himself to be alone but not lonely because it was his time to accept himself.

Akaashi was getting serious with Bokuto so not even for a second did Kenma think of forcing him to come out here and live with him, no amount of expensive furniture and extensive floor space could make breaking that up worth it. So he smiled with pig tails in his hair and a silky shirt that slipped off his shoulder a bit too revealingly at times as they celebrated moving in together, finding a house close by enough to be reassuring but not evasive like they were monitoring him.

Once the weekend long celebration had died down and their friends had filtered out Bokuto had sat down with him and opened up to him, talking about how an injury in his past had made him feel worthless and that he had seen a therapist even if I hadn’t seemed like a big deal to others. Giving Kenma the contact information was in a way like a peace offering as if he had anything to be forgiven for, the guilt he felt for introducing them was unfounded.

Not thinking of Kuroo during those days, weeks, months after he ran from that house was not done out of spite or out of anger but to give himself room to focus on himself, repairing the broken parts of you didn’t work with a wondering unfocused mind. Attending therapy regularly and getting back into more centred yoga practises, taking more time off from work but still maintaining a smoothly running company and eating healthy.

Just a few changes at the beginning had sent him down an incredible path and he embraced the journey it sent him on because it truly changed him, discovering who he was and remembering all those things that had happened to him had been rough. It was nothing compared to the relief at having finally found himself and what had happened in his past, but it was just that, he could accept it and live with it but those were things that had happened to him in the past. 

Having wine nights of Friday’s with silk robes (and the new addition of Bokuto) in their high scale apartment with their combined extensive wealth, adopting four kittens that sleep with him in bed every single night. Respecting himself with a shorter hair cut and lip stick that made all the boys stare, pale skin exposed in strips of gold and black that drew the attention of men in the club but he never let them get too close, it was his expression of power.

Even if they stare and advance towards him or whistle and jeer at him from afar doesn’t mean he has to give in or give himself over to them, it means that the effort he is putting into himself is being put on display for everyone to appreciate. Slowly though, as he found himself, his cluttered mind became peacefully empty of unnecessary thoughts and that is when he started realizing, even unconsciously he was making room.

Books stacked with spine addressing topics on space and the meaning behind the planets, clips of volleyball matches recorded and saved for later viewings, a skateboard he had spray painted himself covered in everything that makes him feel good. Etched into his heart is the date of an unforgettable moment he was finally allowing himself to process, being under the watchful eye of the moon as he partook in the pleasure of a boy so sweet, he puts everyone else to shame.

So with knees digging holes into the sand below him feeling the wind whip through his white throw over beach robe, Kenma didn’t flinch when he felt another presence join him in the sand even when the shadow partially obscured his vision of the shells he was finding. Waves dragging themselves out almost like a taunt before coming back with full force, crashing into the sand some few metres away like a threat to his newly created sandcastle.

It had been newly made about half an hour ago before he had stopped focusing on making the sand pretty with seaweed and shells, ever since the messaged had buzzed up onto his lock screen he had almost been tense. Cautious as he waited for the inevitable to happen with bated breath but like always the sounds of the ocean pulled out his worries, took away his anxieties and reminded him of how far he had come to get to this point and that he would not over think.

“Did you know that the sound of the waves and tides has a calming effect on people’s minds?”

Letting out a huff of breath that turned into a giggle before he fell into full body laughter that almost had him landing on his perfectly crafted sandcastle, Kenma truly felt all the tension leave his body as he turned to see the man standing behind him. What he didn’t know was Kuroo did not have any idea how to break the ice between them and had agonized over it during the entire drive, before taking the nerd way out and deciding on a science fact.

“Well did you know that we can only view 5% of the universe from Earth?”

There had been a few things he had learnt with his legs folded and book resting across his lap, hot chocolate swirling around a wine glass on a chilly night while the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle live action movies play on repeat in the background. Nothing sounded as interesting as it had coming from the lips of a pretty boy with messy black hair and focused eyes which held the universe itself in them, a cheery note to his voice and a beautifully excited smile.

Nothing had been the same since as if the experience had inked itself deep into the layers of his skin and showing up when he needed reminders, we are not defined by our experiences, but we define them and Kenma accepted that week for what it was. The good and the bad like marks against his skin which both brought him peace, without the blinding light of love and the branding heat of hate there would have been no growing to understand himself.

“My grand parents died not long into the new year, old age and then a broken heart they said so I stayed and comforted my family through it as they grieved and lamented on time spent focused on the wrong things while they withered away. It was actually my older sister who suggested therapy for the family to get them past everything blocking them from finding peace, while I supported that as well, I refused to join them.

I reconciled and moved in with an ex-girlfriend of mine and we stayed as friends, she helped me work through therapy and balancing a healthy distance from my family with letting them know that I see the efforts they are making. Decided to focus on helping others and started giving my time over to people that needed it and even started up a few new volleyball teams, disadvantaged children and teens getting to have a go with equipment bought from donated money.

Growing as a person was not the most difficult thing I have ever had to experience, but it was the first thing I really fought for with my own two hands and even when they felt bruised and bloodied from holding on so tight, I kept fighting. Halfway through a teaching degree for younger children and I now have absolutely no contact with my family besides Christmas postcards we send back and forth, for my own mental health I forgave them, but I haven’t forgotten.

Like I imagine you haven’t forgotten what I did to you all those years ago and it weighs on me how I acted no matter how I felt, I failed to stop and realize that I was using you as a scapegoat for my own fears and insecurities. You do not have to forgive me but I just wanted to know how you were doing, I put it off for so long and thought it over in my head again and again, nothing made sense until I got a message from Akaashi.”

Not long ago Kenma had been putting in the new nipple ring jewellery Bokuto had bought for them to match over valentine’s day, he had been the one to pierce Akaashi’s nipples during a drunken New Year Eve’s party and Bokuto has yet to stop thanking him for them. Dressed in cute pyjamas with button ups left open to expose their chests sitting on the plush bed Kenma had spent too much money on, popcorn in a bowl in the centre and some romance movie on the tv.

It had been The Proposal and the plot had seemed awfully familiar to him even if he wasn’t paying full attention to what was happening, Akaashi had sat him down and started braiding his hair before he broached the subject. With the soft voice that made him feel safe mixed in with the voice that almost demanded Kenma listen to everything he said carefully, he had said that this would be the last hurdle from his past that he would need to overcome.

At first he had not even thought of bringing them two of them back together but he had seen his best friend slowly starting bringing in memorises from that week into his life, from what he had seen of Kuroo from peering over Bokuto’s shoulder at his phone he was ready too. With Kenma’s permission Akaashi set up a random date for the future with a destination to be decided on, it was to be wherever Kenma felt comfortable that day and today (like most days) it has been the beach.

Bokuto had less of a romantic way of comforting Kuroo but he nevertheless stayed by his best friend through it all and spoke to him about Akaashi’s message, he jogged with Kuroo regularly to keep up their physical healthy but to maintain their mental health too. Stopping by the coffee shop together sneakily to eat cakes as if their exercise couldn’t allow for such a treat, with an understanding look Bokuto had helped guide him and comforted him with wide smiles and infectious laughter. 

“Putting two broken people together will never work and that was why we were always unsure around each other like we considered the other breakable, even though we felt compatible together we were still pushing each other away. I can tell you when you are ready what actually happened to me growing up and what caused the block in my memory, trauma has an unusual way of protecting you even if it causes you extra harm on top of it.

Back then I had felt confident in expensive clothes I had worked hard to earn to money for, sharp inviting make up that lured in people and sleeping around with anyone who gave me a smile and a few hours of attention. Those things do not work healthily when coincided with bad mental health and were just ways I was trying to cope with my ever-shifting personality, I love myself now and would never give up who I am for the world.”

Silence can be uncomfortable, but the never-ending crush of the waves kept them grounding as they took each other in and processed how the other feels, they hadn’t broken apart and come back for an angst filled tryst weeks later that would hurt them even more. Instead them took their time away from each other to develop as people and to better themselves, working on yourself benefits the people around you and they were doing better off this way, healthy and happy.

“Are you willing to go on this journey with me, Kuroo?”

“Of course, I would go anywhere for you.”

It was inevitable like to stars hurtling towards each other but instead of shattering and spreading themselves across the dark brutal emptiness of space, they came together to form something that was bigger and better than them individually. Kenma was only in a little red thing resting high on his hips and a white beach styled cardigan which were easily removed, Kuroo took a little more effort with removing his shirt and unbuckling his tight jeans.

Unlike their first time the sun was high in the sky beating down on them, sweat from the heat mixing with the sweat from their efforts as the clouds offered them no shade, Alectrona blessing them as if they were consummating their marriage in her name. Sand sliding rough against them as Kenma places his hand down and splayed out across Kuroo’s chest with his head tipped high, a halo of light once again surrounding him.

Chest sparkling with pretty piercings and a tongue that distracted his wondering gaze, nails that grip and pull at his hair messing up what Kuroo had at least tried to put effort into fixing up, finger marks pressed into the flesh of his ass and bruising his hips. Kuroo wanted to record ever single noise that Kenma made and pushed harder and faster to pull more from his throat, raw from his praises and worship more glorious then any church could hope to scream.

No break or interlude as he spotted a chilled bottle of wine stabbed into the sand under some shade and decided to be cheeky, pouring the liquid down from his chest to drip down his abdomen and across his thighs. Kenma took advantage of the invitation and licked up every single droplet, every now and again nipping and biting at the skin before finding his way back up to Kuroo’s lips coloured in red bruises and painted with the sweet-scented rosé.

Overriding the memorises of the past with curled toes and noises that pushed them over the edge all too quickly once again, like the gentlemen Kuroo carried Kenma in his arms down to the water and not so gracefully bodily threw him beneath the waves. Hair which had once again grown out tangled with saltiness and sticking to his forehead, Kenma got to have one last look at how sexy he had made Kuroo’s messy bed hair before he dunked himself under the waves.

Where the sun had threatened to overheat them, the cooler water settled their beating hearts, floating close to each other still glowing from the heat but also their energetic encounter on the beach covered in sand and sticky wine. Kenma felt his heart soften in his chest and he dipped himself under the water, at the beginning when he felt bad, he would walk into the sea and feel the threat of being swept away.

Now all he feels is comfort as he comes back to the surface to see Kuroo watching him with such honest open eyes and skin that he had not quite appreciated earlier, tanner then it had been with a delicious glow illuminating him. Dark freckles along his cheeks and a chest that was more plump then Kenma had quite remembered, strong arms which had picked him up and his gaze threatened to go lower as his thoughts slipped from appreciative to lustful.

“You said I should get better at pillow talk but are you willing to start out as friends?”

“After what we just did?”

“Look I know that we just had another mind-blowing experience but-,”

“No need to worry yourself over it sweetheart, starting as friends means I get to know you and familiarize myself with every part of you before I get to start wooing you, romantic dinners followed by Netflix-and-Chill can wait, I promise.”

Spoken with a sincerity that made Kenma tear up but finished with a cheeky smile that was all too familiar, he realized that he was making the right kinds of choices with his life and that although not a single thing had prepared him for this – he had made it here himself. Getting to have Kuroo around and spend time with Akaashi and Bokuto was like a dream come true, the final gift was not a parting gift but a promise of what Kuroo had to look forward too.

Promises of Kuroo studying late at night with too many cups of coffee keeping him awake but jittery saved only by text messages from Kenma telling him to finally go to sleep, promises of Kenma having his cats taken care of by someone familiar when he leaves for business trips. Promises of kind eyes telling him with full honesty that the jeans make his ass look flattering, promises of ice cream days even when it is pouring rain outside.

Life isn’t about achieving perfection but finding moments in your life to make meaningful, living as if you are the main character in a romance moving and the people watching are cheering you on instead of getting frustrated over you running in circles. Kenma found that meaningfulness in Kuroo and he was willing to make it the most meaningful thing in existence, their love would threaten to start wars and also bring people together, it is everything and more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was the longest i have ever paid attention to one story and completed it which is crazy, so many words put into this one so i genuinely enjoyed this journey, always let me know in the comments what parts you enjoy from scenes to particular quotes and maybe even head over to my twitter to give me suggestions for future stories whether kuroken or otherwise, speaking of those ships you can check out my other works from kuroken week or just in general!

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on Twitter  
> @sournlemon


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